Am I a shit friend? Friend's pregnancy

[whereisthesunshine]

One of my best friends just messaged that she is pregnant. And I am sitting here and crying, feeling sorry formyself. My dh left me in August, I am still not over it, and all I ever wanted was a family with him. I don't know whether it will ever happen for me now. I mean I am so happy for her, they have been trying for a long time, but at the same time I am so so jealous.

Am I a shit friend?

No you're not shit

Of course you're not! Be kind to yourself.

Course you're not. You're still happy for her, it's lovely news for her. But you can still feel sad for you

No, you're not shit at all, not in the slightest. You're happy for her but so very sad and jealous for yourself. I've been there too. It feels horrendous but its totally understandable.

Listen, there is enormous pressure on women (in particular) to get the pom poms out and do the big 'woo hoo' for friends and 'support' them in all ways at all times. Sometimes you just can't and that's entirely reasonable. You're a person, not a character. Let someone else show up and do the cheerleading this time. Go easy on yourself.

Thank you, everyone. It feels good to hear this. She knows me really well so probably has an idea how I might feel - she messaged me instead of phoning which she usually does, and I wonder whether she wanted to give me time to digest. She is going to be the best mum ever!

Messaging you was a really good idea. My friend told me face to face both times and it was hideous, I couldn't wait to get out so I could cry on the way home. Do not be afraid to take a step back for a bit if you're finding this difficult to deal with - you need to look after yourself first and foremost

You're not a shit friend

There is a difference between feeling the way you do (which you are perfectly entitled to do) and forcing those feelings on other people. You sound like the kind of person who will be upset in private but will make the effort for your friend, to congratulate her and be supportive, even if you're hurting yourself. To me, that makes you a wonderful friend.

Sorry about your situation and I hope things look up for you soon.

Oh dear I meant to post not , Sorry!

Nope, you're not a shit friend so long as you retain the insight you're demonstrating on here x

AnotherEmma, I liked the bear (or whatever it is) . I will definitely support her. Have just messaged her back and will see her at the weekend for a cuppa.

You are not a shit friend! It's perfectly OK to feel the way you do. I've been there too when everyone else was getting pregnant easily and I wasn't. I sobbed eachtime feeling pleased for them but horrendously jealous. Be kind to yourself, you sound lovely x

I've been in exactly your position only just before Christmas. Exactly the same. Cake home and sat and cried my eyes out, my DH left me the year before. I'm 30. All I want is a family and all my friends are starting theirs.