tried this in legal/money but didn't get much response - divorce help

[divorcee]

Thought I'd post it here too

My husband and I separated 8 years ago. We have 4 teens now, I has SEN and one is disabled. I was the one that wanted so ex felt I should pay for divorce. Having visited a solicitor, nasty emails started to fly and was causing unnecessary conflict and we called a halt to it. I was going to get a diy divorce but never got around to it as all was civil

He moved on very quickly and within a few months had set up home with his partner. The bought a 4 bed house about 2 years ago and our 4 kids go there for 24 hours every fortnight, before that he'd see them 3 hours in the week and 6 on sats. I stayed in marital home for 2 years but couldn't afford it so decided to downsize. Ex agree I could keep all the equity in the house until the kids were grown though nothing was written down formally and bought my house in my own name.

He has paid £350 every calender month (other than when he couldn't afford it but he always caught up) I work full time.

We moved into a lovely family home thanks to my parents giving us 100k. We couldn't have afforded it on our own and would have remained in our 3 up, 2 down. His mother died just after we split up and other than him paying off some joint loans, I didn't ask or have any of his inheritance

I have recently come into a nice sum of money and said to ex last week I would give him a 3rd if we call it quits and I don't have to give him anything from sale of house nor will he make me sell up when youngest is 18. He wants the 3rd I offered AND 35% of old house sale (before stamp duty, mortgage expenses)as technically we are still married. This works out at 75k, I offered 40k. My plan will be sell the large family home in 10 years and passing the profits over to my children (once I have downsized)to maybe give them a chance of owning their own properties. He has willed his home to his partner

I really don't think he is being fair and have now said we will get divorced and I will see him in court. I have provided for our kids for 8 years and I will be the one paying for uni, cars, etc, long after maintenance stops. If he had them over a lunchtime extra, he expects me to pay for it, or if I ask him to have kids extra night -I pay for their food. I had a holiday alone 4 years ago, he had the children but expected me to leave food for a week as he 'was skint'. To keep the peace for the children, I have gone along with this. Otherwise he wouldn't see/have them

He is 15k in debt, in mortgage arrears

I'm wondering what the courts would do in regards to making me sell my home (I have extended it and made it wheelchair accessible for disabled child at my expense) Am I being unreasonable in my offer? I'm now scared that a court would make me sell up

Any advice welcomed

no idea, but thought i'd bump this for you.

Sounds tricky though. I doubt they could mke you sell up IMHO

Although I can't give you any specific answers to your questions the fact remains that until you are divorced a partner has claims on your money/house. Even sometimes after a divorce (if you don't finalise some monetary dealings -Matthew Wright always goes on about that on The Wright Stuff program that his wife came back for money he had earnt after they had been divorced a long time!!!)

I can't imagine them making you sell the house due to the wheelchair adaption (hope you are getting disablement relief on your Council Tax)

It is a shame that you never had anything in writing but hopefully you can prove that you provided lunches for your children etc when he had them in his care.

I know you say you are technically married BUT the fact remains the house you own is solely in your name and bought after your split and he has bought a house with someone else. He is obviously looking for you to finance his way out of his debt and I hope the you see a solicitor very soon before offering him any other deals. This hopefully will bump this too!!!

This is pretty complex. You definitely need to see a solicitor asap - many will give a free half-hour 'taster' session. Before you go gather together all the facts: dates of separation, money, earnings and so forth, value of your two homes and outstanding mortgages. Especially take along lists of who has paid for what over the years - for example, have you paid all your mortgage payments yourself? did you pay for all the adaptations yourself?

As you well know, you won't 'see him in court' - you will take advice from your solicitor, put together a proposal, send it to him, try to come to an agreement, go to Mediation if necessary, and only as the last possible resort go to court as it is RUINOUSLY expensive and will eat up all your nice inheritance.

You may get more good advice from \link{http://www.ondivorce.co.uk}

Good luck