Madly deeply in love with another woman - should I go for it?

[Snowglie]

Hi there,

I am so lucky to have found myself truly madly deeply in love with another woman. She is 10 years older than me. I have been divorced for around a year and am now settling in my own house with two primary aged DC.

The feelings I have for her are incredible. I never knew life could be this good with a partner - don't get me wrong, it's not all plain sailing and we challenge each other in our thoughts and feelings, but it's still just GREAT!

I've never been one for playing the field or multiple partners, but there wasn't much of a gap between leaving ex husband and falling for her.

Although it FEELS just right, I need to hear some rational thoughts from unbiased outsiders.

We are not "out" to many people. Currently it's only her family (who think we're a great couple), three of my best friends and a few of her friends. We work in the same field (although not same place) so our paths cross frequently and there are many shared acquaintances - none of these yet know. I've never before crossed work and personal life.

My DC know her as a really good friend and ask when we will see her again - she is really great with them, kind, clear, firm and boundaried.

Do we just go with it? I love her!!

We'd been together 7 years when dp moved in.

From exdh leaving to the dc meeting dp was 4 years.

Do not underestimate the enormity of your relationship being with a women. Its more complex then a relationship with a man.

I have no idea about the better mum thing!

Haribotangfastic
That sounds lovely. Do you mind me asking, how long have you been together and how did you manage it all with your DCs?

Cafe
I'm so sorry to hear that - how long were you together before the break up? And how are you now?

How is it that two females being together is a guarantee for a complex relationship? What an unfair statement. Please. Look at the relationships board. It is full of complex heterosexual relationships issues. I know men who are twice as moody as women.

I think the only complexity you'll have to deal with is people's archaic attitudes to two women being together. There's a couple on this thread currently.

Who knows she may turn out to be an asshole. Or she may be entirely worth it. That's the risk you take when entering any relationship.

You go for it love.

We have been together for nearly two years now. The children have been amazing and feel so happy and secure with us.
I won't lie, it has been quite difficult with my own family accepting our relationship, but we haven't experienced any negativity amongst friends and people we know.
What has helped is that the children can see how happy we are and they love my partner and see us as a family

Saltfish thank you - that's just what I was thinking. I have been in other relationships with both men and women, including my 14 year marriage - I'm no spring chicken .

I realise that all people can be mean, just as all can be good. I knew her through work for several years before we were both single and I was able to profess my love .

Haribo how old were your DC and how did they react?

Congratulations OP!

14, 12 and 5. The reaction of the children was our main worry but honestly they have been so accepting. I think what has helped is that they can see how happy and content I am. They love my partner and see us as their family. Their friends have just accepted it and haven't made any negative comments .
The older two have actually said how happy they are for me and that they love our family

Haribo
And the reaction of your exdp?

Exdp is irrelevant! Regardless of gender of the new partner.
Salt. I meant complex from the dc perspective.

What a lovely post OP. Grab all the happiness life throws at you, it is precious wishing you and your new DP well

Well so far that's about 18 "yes, grab happiness, it will be worth seeing if it works out" and about 2 "proceed with caution / she may be an evil witch / but she's a woman" replies.

Thank you for the mumsnet opinion!

Life is short AND I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES ME BACK!!!!

This is wonderful to read. Good luck to you both, it sounds wonderful!

I'm ignoring the fact that it's another lady you're in love with as it's irrelevant. If you're asking permission to be happy with someone you met so quickly after the end of your marriage, then of course! I had real issues with the fact that DP had only been separated 5 months when I met him (after an 18 year marriage) and told him to go and get it all out of his system. He was a persistent little sod though and we had to admit a few months later that we were nuts about each other!

However, as with any new partner, I'd leave it a good while before introducing them to your little ones.

Your post has made my day; being in love is brilliant and you deserve to enjoy every second. How lovely :)

Seeing her tonight for a bit!

I'm envious!! Amazing !!

Hi all.
Not sure if you'll remember me, but you were all so helpful last time I posted on here.

Have just realised that it's a WHOLE YEAR since I asked for your advice...
Update - We're still seeing each other, and it's STILL REALLY LOVELY! Yay!

You were right, you wise old women you - people should go for it if they get chance, life is definitely too short.

How lovely ❤️

Great to hear :)

Yay!