Changed my mind about granny coming on holiday.

[Jazzywazzydodah]

Not sure what im asking really so I suppose it's a 'what would you do?'

My granny is in her mid 80s and is/used to be very active but last year she was ill and never really seemed to get back to 100% health physically and mentally. She passes out about once every three months

She has family but it's only me really that spends time with her or does things she needs doing as she won't ask any one else. She was also a massive support to me growing up as I had a baby very young.

The thing is in these past couple of years she has become really passive aggressive and quite controling over my two youngest children, almost as if she is all of our mothers. It something she has always joked about but my dh pointed out it's quite undermining as I've never really seen it that way and tbh it is.

She gets really stressed out with my 3 year old who is actually very well behaved, she sees danger at every corner and I know she will not relax on this holiday especially around the pool and me and dh will end up pulling our hair out.

P.A examples :

Telling me she is sweltering so I put air conditioning on in car - sitting in silence the entire car ride (40 mins) then as she is getting out of car telling me she is frozen because I had it too cold.

Reminding me of poor choices I made as a young mum/teenager

Reminding me what a shit mother I had.

Telling me not to visit her in hospital as she has visitors (I drove up every day for two weeks) only to ring me at the night time saying she was lonely and depressed.

Telling my three year old I won't let her (granny) come on holiday as she mithers me
Too much.

Constantly asking about things that could be wrong with my perfectly healthy baby. And when I say 'stop it she is fine' she replies with 'it's only cos I love her and I don't want her to......' then trails off
(Dh would go mad at this if he heard her.

Everything is stressfull for her and her and if she feels left out she starts acting childish (which I've never ever known) she also has become quite rude when we are eating out - which I've never seen her be like this before.

The don't know wether to say we're not going at all and not go but dh really wants to go away but I don't fancy a week of nearly strangling my 85 year old granny.

What would you do?

You mentioned a pool on your holiday. Are you going abroad? If so, I would use the excuse that you can't get travel insurance for your granny. If not, I would do as pp's have suggested and take your granny away for a couple of nights by yourself - use the excuse that you want some quality time with her without having to be bothered with the dc's.

If she mentioned dementia to the gp in order for him to poo poo it, she clearly has concerns in that regard herself. It certainly sounds like dementia if her personality is changing.

If you've already invited her I think you have to do it.

But book another for a few months later and keep quiet about it.

Thank you for resolving responses.

I'm going to take her. I've been with her today and she would take it bad if I rescinded. It's seven days out of my life and she has done a lot for me and my family. It's over Christmas so the main point of her coming was do it wasn't as stressful for her at home as she passed out in front of family, which I'm actually worried about her doing when we're away too. He has a hernia that closes off and stops her oxygen brieftly and its quiet scary. She fell by herself on a cruise last year and banged her head. (I'm bloody talking myself out of it here)

Today while I was with her she openly discussed with a stranger the raised birth mark on my baby's head - and both were asking if I was going to get it cut off..

I'm going to keep an eye on the dementia but I think I have to take her as I know she would be upset.

Thank you for your responses

So it's not ok for her to be upset for a week but it is ok for you and your DH (who has noticed her behaviour towards you) and your baby? Can you perhaps see if you could get a public health nurse to call in to her (based on her fainting incident) to make sure that she is well looked after so that you can have a week off???

OP - if going abroad have you checked that you can get health insurance for her? Once my DM was in her 80s getting health cover was very difficult owing to previous health problems despite being stable for a year prior to the trip. In the end she had to go with a specialist insurer was it cost around £70 for a week in Scandinavia. But better than a big bill if she passes out and needs to be flown home

watcha she is convinced she will die soon and if she does (god forbid) id feel horrible I couldn't give her a week.

lunde she has been going on cruises till last year and tells the insurance every single ailment - even those that are not relivant so she is used to paying top wack for it (European cruises) for her to travel Cuba e.g. Or Dubai which we were looking at would cost her around £1500 in insurance - which she wouldn't pay.

gah ! I can't decide what to do. She was quite poorly last summer and she went very old quick, she has had three slips (which promted her to go gp about Dementia) in the last month add that on to her passing out (where she actually looks dead, it's terrifying)

I'm actually thinking I may just cancel the whole lot. We're going away in June just us so at least we have got away this year.

You could have just described my grandmother and I'm going to be another one saying it could be the onset of dementia, but with my grandmother it's cognitive dementia. She's become (more) PA, struggles hugely with the children when they're well behaved let alone naughty and for someone who was really active has gotten lazy (for want of a better word), she just can't be bothered "I'm 80 dear, someone else can do it for me". A lot of the time she's fabulous, but it's hard. She came away abroad with us last year as I felt the same as you, it's a week, it may not be all roses but I'll regret not spending the time with her after everything she did for me when I was younger. We actually had a lovely some of the time.

I wish you the best of luck for your trip, but urge you to take her to the doc personally for some tests and to explain her symptoms.

Have you booked it?