Tell me about an affair you've had or know of where the man didn't leave their wife like they promised

[Dineoutone]

Need a reality check please.

It's not me having the affair - though you'll all think it is! I want to show my friend that what she is doing is wasting her life. She's 27 and he's 52 and promised he will leave his wife. They've been dating for a year and the current excuse is 'when you youngest goes to college.' (In 2 years). Yeah right.

[SenseiWoo]

I had had a brief Uni relationship with (not that I recognised it at the time) a classic philanderer. He would have girlfriends, much more committed and lengthy relationships than he had had with me, but we would still hook up for dates and sex.

One day two male friends sat me down and told me with brutal clarity what the typical thinking of this kind of bloke was. I wasn't good enough to be a girlfriend, I was cheaper than paying an escort, it was doing me no good whatsoever.

It really hurt. I knew as they said it that it was all true. They told me to ghost him and I did. Umpteen years later and I am still grateful to them both for opening my eyes. After one more short dalliance with a philanderer I wised up and I am now married to a very different kind of man.

[RockyBird]

My dad left my mother for an OW when I was 5 and dbro was 3.

I'm still friends with OW, 40 years later but NC with both my parents. OW had a ton of shit to put up with. She's happily married now to a great man but she never did have her own kids. Funnily enough neither did my mother's DP and I'm still in touch with him too. Both of them were a huge part of my childhood.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

Ok so I was the OW.when I was 17. He was 30, married but no kids, and told me he was separated from his wife. This prince among men did actually leave his wife for me, after she found out about me - and we got engaged, moved in together etc but then he proceeded to abuse me financially, mentally, emotionally, sexually and physically for two years before leaving me for a girl I had gone to school with. So whilst he may leave, your friend is not really very secure. He is more likely to leave a second time having done it once. Does she really want that uncertainty?

[rosabug]

I read this the other day - about sums it up.

affairadvice.wordpress.com/2012/09/22/affair-love-and-the-reality/

[SecretWitch]

My uncle carried on an affair for thirty years behind my lovely Aunties back. My Aunty died in July, uncle married OW in September ( after inquiring if my mother would like to be "partners" with him! My mum turned him down the spot..)

[dontknowwhatcomesnext]

rosabug, that is excellent. That is EXACTLY what I was trying to say above, and really the most devastating thing that an OW (or OM) may come to realise, particularly in the case like the one above when it is so obviously a mid-life crisis type scenario with a very large age difference. Pretty much word for word that is what my husband would say now about his experience. That is why, despite being the "wronged" one, I can find some sympathy for women who are in these situations. It's not just that they usually end up hurt; it's that they have no idea that they are actually of tiny significance in the broader story of their married man's life.