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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Introducing him to DS

38 replies

GoodJobSweetie · 27/02/2017 18:48

I would really appreciate some help/advice...

How would/when would you introduce your DC to your new partner?

A bit of a back story - it would be wrong of me to drip feed.

I left DS father after 6 and a half years (DS is 5) to go back to my first ever partner, I have known him all my life due to our mums being best friends, we haven't been back together for too long and DS has met him briefly when I wasn't present, do you think it would be too soon for me to introduce them properly to one another or should I wait? as DS is a big part of my life.

TIA

OP posts:

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster · 28/02/2017 13:18

A month is way too soon! Think about your DS here and not yourself.

Original poster

GoodJobSweetie · 28/02/2017 14:25

Yes I know that, but I have known him the whole of my life, it isn't like I am introducing my son to a stranger or someone who is not going to stick around.

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 28/02/2017 14:31

What response were you looking for, OP?

WannaBe · 28/02/2017 14:32

OP it has nothing to do with introducing your DS to a stranger vs introducing him to someone you've known your whole life.

To DS he is a stranger. A stranger you are wanting to bring into his life just weeks after you have left his dad, and while you're still all living under the same roof.

And knowing him your whole life is irrelevant. You have no idea whether this relationship is going to last or not. You've been back together for just four weeks, and you already split up once, for at least six years, during which time you had a child and completely changed your life. It's not a case of picking up where you left off because you are both different people now.

Why did you split up the first time anyway?

Yeahfine · 28/02/2017 14:34

It's not about how well you know this guy, it's about what is appropriate for your son.

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster · 28/02/2017 14:35

To DS he is a stranger. A stranger you are wanting to bring into his life just weeks after you have left his dad, and while you're still all living under the same roof.

This! Give DS a chance to adjust to what's happening before you start introducing someone else.

What's the rush?

AnoiseAnnoysanOyster · 28/02/2017 14:36

Meant to bold that first bit.

BitchQueen90 · 28/02/2017 14:57

A month?????

My DS will be 4 this year and if I got into a new relationship I wouldn't introduce anyone to him until a year+. He's far too important to me to be messing with his head at such a young age.

Regardless of your relationship with your ex, he is your DS's father and your DS loves him. Why on earth would you introduce a new man into the picture when you haven't even moved out yet? Mind boggling. What a mess.

Original poster

GoodJobSweetie · 28/02/2017 14:58

Once again, thanks for the advice. WannaBe I don't mean this in a rude way so don't take offence, it is none of your business why we split in the first place, to ask that question indicates that you are just being nosey. Time for me to name change and move on.

OP posts:

WannaBe · 28/02/2017 15:30

OP you are delusional, and your level of defensiveness is a clear indication that you are by no means certain of this relationship, as is your desperation to introduce your child into the mix. Clearly you want the world to see that you are all loved up and have picked up where you left off and are about to run off into the happy ever after. If you can introduce your DS and they all get on then you have packaged this part of your life up neatly into how you want it to look from the outside. But ask yourself, who are you trying to convince?

Of course it's none of my business why you split up, but it is very relevant given that you did in fact split up at one point so the relationship was by no means perfect back then and six years and a child by someone else later it's not going to suddenly become the perfect it wasn't back then.

KylieJo · 28/02/2017 15:41

So you say you have known the guy, but it is not the case with your son. I would wait a few months before introducing them.

Original poster

GoodJobSweetie · 28/02/2017 16:49

WannaBe Delusional? Oh please just because I don't want to disclose why we broke up, it has nothing to do with anyone here, I don't understand why you are still asking me questions, expecting me to answer 🙄

KylieJo Thanks

OP posts:

ALemonyPea · 28/02/2017 16:58

Why are you so keen to rush into another relationship so soon? And to introduce him to your DS when you still live with his dad?

I honestly cannot understand women who have to have a man in their life all the time, regardless of how it may affect their dc.

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