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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm not sure I can live in a sexless marriage

31 replies

FaintlyBaffled · 26/02/2017 08:23

DH has struggled for some time. After some persuasion he saw his GP and was prescribed Viagra which has helped somewhat, but the lack of spontaneity can be an issue (it takes a couple hours to work for him)
We've always been mismatched in terms of sex drive, but in the past have usually managed to compromise well enough. For context, there's no way I could be described as a sexual predator or anything like that, just that my drive is slightly higher than DH's.
Recently things have become worse and DH literally cannot have sex, even with a little help IYSWIM? Blush
I know it's not his fault but I feel so rejected by it all. I'm aware that nagging or sulking will make the issue worse, but it's so hard not to be upset by it that I struggle to remain impassive.
A similar thread I read a while ago advised that OP to leave her DH as her happiness was so important. I can't even contemplate the upset that would cause both of us, quite aside from the fact that a DH doing just that would be seen as morally abhorrent.
I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to live the rest of my life like this Sad

OP posts:
LanaorAna1 · 01/03/2017 21:42

The issue here is that DH is being unreasonable in not doing the other stuff, you know it but you don't want a divorce. Your problem is: can i live without sex forever? Only you can answer that.

LanaorAna1 · 01/03/2017 21:44

I don't think it is morally abhorrent to leave a spouse because of no sex: it's the one thing, the only thing, you can only get from them and if they don't provide it - in this case, largely by choice - it's not entirely your choice to go.

welshmist · 01/03/2017 21:56

No, not considering a divorce I am resigned to never having sex again. Looking back you do not realise at the time that you had your very last session. For me it was a New Years Eve the last time we tried, it was not a success, that may very well be my final memory of physical closeness.

If the boot was on the other shoe and I was the one who had shut the door on sex I wonder how many folk would comment that it was my right to refuse consent. I do get a bit confused at some of the posts on mumsnet telling women it is absolutely their bodies to do with as they see fit. Hmm

LanaorAna1 · 01/03/2017 23:07

It's entirely your right to refuse consent, as it is entirely your spouse's right to decide whether or not to stay married to you. Not that I am suggesting the two are linked in some way.

RubyBluesey · 02/03/2017 00:43

But PIV is not the only way to have sex is it?
Your sex life does not have to become nothing because the man is impotent surely

DadWasHere · 02/03/2017 04:26

Really, there are only two reasons a man should take Viagra. A desire to enjoy sex with his partner or a desire to please his partner sexually, even though uninterested in sex for himself. The keyword is desire. If desire is not there... what is really left? Different versions of 'Raise the flagpole for the good of England'?

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