I'm a guy too, and I love a guy I met...

[scott9]

Hey! I'm a guy and 23. Near the start of January, I stopped seeing a guy who I thought liked me, and wanted a relationship with me, but it turned out he was already with someone. I got so upset, and just had to tell someone. I told my Mum, and obviously had to come out to her as bisexual. I posted a thread on this website about it - you might have seen it. Also, in advance, I apologise for using this website again.

Anyway, my Mum took it fairly well, and I have felt happier and more confident since then because I just feel I can be me now.

For the first time since I ended it, I set my tinder to men & women. I was speaking to a guy on there for about a week or just over and we exchanged numbers too.

I was so nervous as I've not really been on a 'date' before. I've never been in a relationship. We arranged to meet and met on Wednesday. We were talking lots and seemed to really get on. He said "we'll go for a meal on our second date". I was so happy and felt so warm inside because I really liked him. I was a bit shy at first, but I felt we got on really well.

At the end of our mini-date, he kissed me.

We met again on Thursday. Our date lasted for about 5-6 hours. All we did was had a little walk around. He said he was cold so we held hands too. We went into spoons and sat there with a drink and just had a really decent chat and laugh with each other. At the end, he walked me to the bus stop and kissed me.

He's gone back to Uni now, it's not far away at all, and he said he wants to see me again. The only thing is, I said about seeing him tomorrow. He said "but the trains are a bit odd on Sundays". Thing is, even though they are, I could still see him.

Do you think he doesn't want to see me again?

I keep worrying i'm not good enough. He sent me a screenshot of what he messaged one of his friends (his friend asked about how his date went). He replied "I literally want him to be my boyfriend".

He's just really cute and I really really liked him. We've got a lot in common too and although I need to meet him more times first, I really want him to be my boyfriend.

But do you think... when he said about the trains, he was trying to put me off? Also last night he did a snapchat story with him looking sad and on his own and wrote something like "will i be alone?"... what if he wasn't interested in me and was speaking to someone else too and wanted that someone else to see it?

He seems really trustable and so genuine, but I'm worried he doesn't like me or doesn't want to see me again as he put me off about tomorrow... or am I just over-thinking?

Hi Scott
Those first forays into relationships are difficult enough, learning the rules and trying not to do the wrong thing or look too desperate. It seems to me that you need to just slow down a bit.

All is going fine at the moment; he probably has couse work to catch up on today.
The signs are good but you need to let it develop at a pace that suits you both. Don't read too much into social media posts, you can spend ages agonising over posts that mean nothing.
Relax and enjoy these early heady days but don't forget to look after yourself too. You don't know too much about him at the moment so go slowly and take your time.
Hope it all works out

Scott, please ignore the unkind posters on here. Well done to TeaBay for reporting them.

I did sugest above that you maybe use a forum which is more aimed at your age/circumstances only because most people on Mumsnet are mums and therefore slightly older and possibly not as up-to-date with dating customs amongst young, childfree people regardless of their sexuality. That doesn't mean you're not welcone here though!

I'm the middle aged mum of two sons, one gay and one straight, and if either of them had a scenario like yours I would be advising them to appear interested and friendly but not too over-keen. Then they'd probably ignore me because they don't listen to their mum!

It's very brave of you to tell your mum and I'm really glad she took it ok. Hopefully your friends will too. My sons friends were all fine with it, he told them when he was 16 but I think most of them had worked it out by then. I agree it's ridiculous that people have to announce if they are gay/bi but don't if they are heterosexual. Have you got a gay/bi support group in your area? You might find it helpful to get in touch with them if you have.

I don't know what the etiquette is with dates, maybe later today you could send a text sying that you'd had a great time and hope you can meet up again soon, but not put any pressure on? But Im not the world's expert. And don't panic and think that if he doesn't reply within a few hours he's gone off you. He might just be busy. If he's interested he will respond at some point.

I think your feelings are genuine and it's true that we still have a long way to go when it comes to announce sexuality.
But there are a million other things in the world that are wrong. That doesn't stop any of us from trying our best to achieve our dreams, does it?
My point is if you don't put yourself out there (being vulnerable is a part of that unfortunately), how will you find what you want? If you feel scared of rejection or fear he won't like you enough, you are in danger of coming across as clingy and needy and that's a big turn off for a healthy relationship. So it can put people off.
And please do yourself this favour. Stop looking at yourself with other people's eyes. Stop putting yourself in their shoes for this. The world is too big, too busy, too full of problems for you to care about all of them (including your mum). You and me are just two small things happening round here. So we might as well happen happily IYSWIM? I learnt this the hard way. but I am infinitely more happy for it now than when I was at your age. Had I stayed with the guy I was with at that time, I would have been a mess though it looked all sunshine at that point. Life happens. Have fun with friends and family so you have enough to fall back on.

Hey I am not that older by the way I do miss that dating time somewhat though.

Hello, some MNetters are bi too! I am really glad you told your Mum and that you have found someone you like so much. However, coming over too keen can put people (of any gender off). You have only just met him - try not to invest too much. Go out, do something else and stay busy. It is torture, I know. Giving this being attracted to someone of the sane gender time to settle down in your head too - at the moment your feelings about this guy are bound to be all mixed out with elation about coming out. Give it time, it will stop feeling such a big deal in a bit, and then you can see if you like this particular one as much as you think you do. Did you have any conversations about whether it was OK to date others? In a few weeks time it might be good to check you are on the same page about that - but not just yet. Enjoy your new found freedom and stay safe x

Well now the nasties have been told by mnhq !!

I'm mid twenties and bi, really not sure why anyone would think you aren't welcome because you are!

Moving on from a bad relationship is hard, coming out is hard, dating is hard, you are doing three very difficult things all at once, I think you're amazing.
As for the dates, the nice PP have explained it well. Maybe ask if you could set a date for next week next time instead of the following day, and please do try not to overthink it. I know how hard this is, especially when it's so new and exciting, and you want it so much, but you need to take your time for yourself not just him.
Keep talking to him, try to arrange something for next weekend maybe? The old saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder" if you both like each other going a few days without seeing each other won't dampen that, but if this excitement and not anything more it gives you time to work that out.
Also ocelot is right, if this carries on and you are still seeing him in a few weeks have a chat about exclusivity and what you are both wanting, make sure you are on the same page.
Good luck!

Thank you everyone again for your kind and helpful responses to this!

About being on this website... I know I shouldn't, I'm sorry. I have posted on 'The Student Room' but I didn't get much help and this is really the only other forum website I've heard of.

I guess I'm being too 'needy' and maybe I should stop. It's just I've never really been in a relationship, and when he said to me he wanted to see me again, I just felt so happy inside. People say i'm nice and good looking and things but I've never really thought that of myself and I'm terrified of being alone.

I message him everyday saying good morning or asking him how his day is going. I guess I want to show him i'm keen and really like him, but I don't want this to look needy. He's admitted he's needy, but I don't want to put him off.

He said he told a friend he was meeting up with me. I asked him if his friend asked again about our date. He sent me a screenshot of a few messages he had sent to his friend... one of them said "I'm going to be chill with him, as I literally want him to be my boyfriend". I guess I just got a bit too excited at that.

I know it's early days, but I honestly really like him. I've never been 'in love' I guess and dating is all new to me.

We just have a lot in common and he's really genuinely nice. The first time I met him, he said to me "I'll walk you to your bus stop". It was a 2 minute walk.

I guess I fear rejection. But I need to learn I need to do things that make me happy. I'd be scared about what family think, but if he ever turned out to be my boyfriend, I'd tell them all. I'd feel quite proud of myself to be honest.

Thank you all again :) xx

Why should the OP go to another forum Bitofun ?! It's about his relationship! How rude.

Hi Scott
You absolutely are very welcome here and thank you for coming back to update us. Sorry the Student Room wasn't more useful.

It's perfectly normal to be really excited at the start of a possible new relationship. But it takes time to build a relationship so often it'd better to take things slow. Is your friend responding to your texts? If so, that's a sign he's also interested.

I hope it all works out for you Scott. And feel free to post here any time you want.

Hi Scott, the best thing you can do is focus on doing the things you love and that build you up as a person. It is SO hard not to obsess in the early days, but it is a recipe for disaster! Have you got anything you can really throw yourself into? Work? Hobbies? Volunteering?

Hey!

Yes he does reply to my texts but what I think I'll do... is not message him. I've always text him every morning saying morning and things and have a good day... we've only been speaking for about 2 weeks and have only met twice.

I guess I just got over-excited because he's really nice and when he told his friend he wanted me as his boyfriend - I've never had a proper relationship before and just felt so happy.

I'll leave it a bit more quiet maybe.

After the 2nd time we met, I suppose I have asked him like 3 different times when we can next meet and I don't want to bug him.

I don't want to bring in the X Factor sob story but I get a bit of anxiety/depression now and again. Being with him just made me feel happy.

I work full-time so that keeps me busy, and I'll just keep my head down for now maybe.

Thank you all again x

It sounds like it's all going really well. It's so difficult getting the balance right between showing you're interested but not being so over-keen that you put him off!

I really hope it works out for you.

Yes he does reply to my texts but what I think I'll do... is not message him

Just no.

These stupid games piss me off. It will only make him think you aren't interested. Just go with it and enjoy.

You are being far too needy and paranoid. Maybe he wanted to make sure you wouldn't miss a train, maybe being a sunday he was busy with prep for the week, but too kind to say.

Just calm.down.

You remind me of me 10 years ago.

It's so difficult to judge the amount of contact just right isn't it, I'm paranoid about being needy or being stand offish!

What I would say is be yourself, and if he likes you for that great, if not he's not right for you.

Don't try and be something you're not, I personally would like someone who text me and liked to keep in touch, I would like that they were thinking of me.

Good luck

Thank you!

I thought it'd be silly not to text him today since I always have. But during conversations other than the usual "I can't wait to see you again" or complimenting him, I've asked him about his day and things.

Now I've got him saying to me he wants to see me again and can't wait!

I really hope this all works out. I'll message him like I have done today, but I won't keep repeating myself I guess.

Thank you all :) x

Also I just panic like mad.

The train thing... I was worried he was making an excuse. But then genuinely, the trains are odd on Sundays and stop earlier or don't run as regular, plus he seems quite honest and I think he'd tell me if he didn't want to see me again.

Don't over think the train thing! Trains are rubbish on Sundays. It sounds as though he wants to see you again - have you got any plans to do so?