please help me. how do i start divorce proceedings?

[AnAngelWithin]

its finally come to an end. H just laughed in my face and told me he's never going to leave. He has succeeded in making me feel totally worthless. I told him it is him thats making my depression worse. I know it is. I don't know what I ever saw in him. I wish I could just change the locks but I can't because he is on the tenancy. I don't think I can claim anything in benefits etc til he leaves the house. Can I even file for divorce while he is in the same house as me? Oh I don't know. Everythings such a bloody mess and I don't know where to start. I look a right mess today and I got to get the kids to school and pretend that everythings ok.

anyone?

go to the CAB

they can point you in the direction of a lawyer. you need legal advice ASAP

I am not sure about divorce proceedings.

But I would speak to the CAB or a Family Law Solicitor about your rights in respect of the family home. If things are terrible I would imagine there is some sort of recourse for you.

Your husband is either a total tw*t to be laughing in your face and belittling you, or it's a shocked reaction to your request for a divorce. If it's the former, then just get onto a lawyer asap, if it is the latter, then perhaps you need to give him a bit of time to come to terms with this.

Sorry if it's vague but I don't know the history.

Go and make an appointment with a solicitor, see if you can get legal aid. Or just to see where you stand. Try cab too, i've heard they are really good. Good luck!

AW - most legal firms offer a freebie half hour - ring round a few and get yourself a couple of their half hour freebies. Go and see them and explain and ask your rights.

Make an appt at your local CAB.

Go to the library and ask if they have any recent books on divorce.

Before you get the ball rolling - look at bank accounts, house details etc. Take photocopies of EVERYTHING and put them in a safe place - with a spare set of front door keys - I would give them to a trusted friend.

Once you get going you will feel much more in control.

Expect the worse and hope for the best.

thank you. I'm a wreck now. He knows how to get to me. He's text me saying I've broken his heart. That he doesn't know how to be around me because I am so depressed all the time. Does he not realise it is HIM thats making me depressed???

I went through this, my ex really laid all the blame at me, and claimed to have a breakdown.

WE ended up sharing the house for about 4 months, he was hoping I would change my mind. Finally he saw sense and realised he should move out to allow the kids the minimum of destruction.

We also saw Relate who were excellent at helping him see it was over and allowing us to separate very amicably in the end. They are not just for helping to sort out relationships they are there to help end things too. Maybe give them a call?

Hi, I'm a divorce lawyer. You can issue a petition for divorce today if you want to, it doesn't matter that he's still in the house.

You need to make an appointment to see a local family lawyer. All good family specialists are members of Resolution. Go to www.resolution.org.uk to find a local specialist. When making the appointment ask if they do legal aid, as many don't these days.

You can make a claim for income support on your own behalf if he stops paying the bills, rent etc.

Lots of husbands say they won't move out, but eventually he will realise that he doesn't have any choice. You can, within the divorce proceedings, apply for a transfer of the tenancy into your sole name as well as spousal maintenance for yourself. Child maintenance will be payable at 15% for one child, 20% for 2 and 25% for 3 or more. If he doesn't pay voluntarily, go to the CSA. It's much better if he does pay voluntarily though, the CSA are crap.

Good luck. Post any more queries while you're waiting to see your solicitor & I'll be happy to help (tho' broadband's down at home so can't reply over the weekend).

athough it was long time ago (26yearsago) I had the same thing. I went to see a lawyer and started the divorce proceedings while he was still living in the house went to social services and told them what was happening, they were actually really good, they paid me income support, and my part of the rent. I went ti the council and told them what was happening, the sent him a letter telling him that hew as responsible for the rest of the rent.

He lived in the house until the day we went to court for the decee nisi, I was then awarded the council house as the family home and he was told to make alternative arrangements.

It was very stressful, with him in the house. but I got my life back eventually.

If this is waht you want hang on in there girl. My thoughts are with you.

surely i have to prove he isn't paying the bills though?

They came and did a home visit and i had to show them the papers from the lawyer i think

he knows ive got no money. i can't afford a divorce

You will get legal aid angel, do you work

no i dont work. we rent out house from a housing association. Joint tenants.

Ok go find a solicitor, you will get legal aid. Find out if your tenacy has a breakdown of marriage clause. After seeing solicitor, ring socila security and see waht thae say now, as I said it was a long time ago for me, things might have changed re SServices, but YOU WILL GET LEGAL AID,

i have emailed a local solicitor as they are constantly engaged on the phone

Angel, where's your nearest town? I'll try & help you find someone.

would rather not say as H's sister comes on here sometimes and although she doesnt know my chat name, she might guess it if i put my location

I'm going through it at the moment Angel - as MumbleC has said, go on Resolution web sit and find a solicitor who is a member. Ask about legal aid, she worked out everything but unfortunately I didn't qualify. However, if you don't work there's a good chance you will get it. And just keep trying on that fone!!! Good luck, let us know how you get on.

he has just wandered round the whole night like nothings wrong. idle chit chat about stories in the news and how awkward his phone is to use etc. I just want to scream at him to go away

i dont know what to do now. I am behind with my rent, and have no food in the house. I was supposed to be going out for a coffee with a friend but I haven't even got the money for that so had to say that my little one was ill so I couldn't make it

H is staying here for now til he gets paid (end of the month) then he will be getting his own flat. I have emailed the solicitor but not got a reply so far. I can never seem to get through to them when I ring either. Meanwhile, I have got no money at all. Just my child tax credit which is £130 a week. Not due my child benefit for another 3 weeks. They have stopped my housing and council tax benefit til I can provide proof of wages/benefits etc. DS is due his school trip on the 21st but I haven't paid for it yet. DD hasn't even got any tights left for school. It's one thing after another. I could just walk out the door and not come back

Look, Angel, forget the solicitors who are constantly busy. Did you look on the resolution website? There are thousands of divorce lawyers out there and frankly we're all a bit quiet at the moment (hence MN!) so you should be able to see someone within a couple of days.

It's great that your dh is moving out. Make an appointment now with the benefits agency so you can claim income support from the minute he leaves, or maybe even sooner if he's not supporting you.

Write to the school and say you can't afford the trip. Your dd will be allowed to go, they have to let her even if you're not making the contribution. You could say you'll pay when you're on your feet again.

Go to Martin Lewis Moneysaver website for ideas on shopping on a shoestring. Don't buy food or anything else for your husband if he's not giving you any money.

Feel free to post again, I'll be happy to help.