How can I find the strength to leave a crap relationship?

[whyamisoweak]

I've been with my bf 2 years now, and it's so not going anywhere. He is not the man for me-- he is negative, critical and morose (though intelligent, handsome and we have a lot in common )..

I know I want to get out but every time I think about it I get scared and anxious.

I don't really understand why, I am generally a strong intelligent person who gets what she wants in life.

So why am I so weak?

then sit down and list 5 things that you need to do to make yourself feel safe -

Good advice Coolmama.

I have double-locked the front door.

What else can I do?

your main problem is going to be to convince him that you are serious - he has managed to talk his way back into your life once before and that is going to make him absolutely sure that he can do it again -
So,

1. make sure that you keep a physical distance from him - no " I feel so sorry for you" hugs or any other "poor thing, I will sleep ith you tonight because you are so upset"
2. pick a time when you are both calm to end it all - a heated phone discussion whene he calls you, drunk, from the pub will serve no purpose other than to provoke him.
3. If you can, try to go away for a long weekend -preferably somewhere where your phone doesn't work!
4. Under no circumstances, do not go back on your decision to end things.
5. If needed, write a list of all the reasons he is bad for you and DC and carry it with you all the time - when you are tempted to talk, call or consider taking him back, read the list first!!!!

5.If he looks like he is going to be violent - buy a gun and shoot his arse!!!!!! (just kidding ) - look yourself in the mirror every morning and repeat after me "I deserve a good love, a safe place to rest and a peaceful world for my DC - and I will make the necessary decisions to ensure that" = end of blah, blah =

Brilliant advice CM. Thank you!

How are things today? did he turn up or ring? Hope you are okay and managed to get through the night.

Update: the deed is done, finally ended it! Feel so much better
And he didn't take it too badly either, I think he knew it was coming.
Thanks to everyone for their help and support

i think changing the phone numbers is a very good idea. he might be ok now, but he might be thinking you'll come running in a couple of days. sounds like he doesn't realise that you really mean it.