aibu to feel angry and helpless at the same time.

[Windsorian]

Hi all,

When I was in sixth form(16 years ago) I've made friends with a group of friends who i still have regular contact with. We meet a couple of times a month. We're at a stage now where we're all almost married with kids. I was the first one to get married and have kids.

So, way back in sixth form, I had a fall out with one of the girls in the group about some petty teenage issues. This girl, who was and still is very possessive, has held on to this grudge throughout these years. If its planning our wedding, buying a house, having children, sending children to school .... I always find out (by coincidence) that she's been bitching about me. She is always comparing herself not just to me but to others to and is very resentful.

For example, her husband is a d**k who is very pompous and thinks he's god's gift to earth is always giving me the slack about the fact that my husband and i send our children to private school.. I ignore him as I believe in one's right to educate one's kids in whichever way one thinks best.

Anyway, she sends me messages and accosts me on our meetings to give her advice on kids and I nicely give it to her, obviously from my own limited experience. Recently i've got to know that she went to bitch again saying that I am always telling her off about her child rearing methods and she hates how I am always condescending. I am livid.

I do not want to cut contact with the group as I've been friends with them for so long and love their company. However I hate to have anything to do with her. She's very manipulative and petty and if she has a problem with me she tries to gang everyone in the issue.

sorry for the rant but I can't believe how childish certain people are and don't know what to do.

I have a friend like this. I have stopped giving or sharing advice. Even if it wasn't mine first hand. I don't really say anything to her alone other than civilities. She has noticed and has told my sister she feels a bit hurt by it and doesn't know what she did to offend me. I feel somewhat lightened of a load but have decided to smile a bit more in her direction. I'm not a 'smiley' person generally.

Why do you have to meet up with her at all? Can't you arrange to see the other members of the group without her around? She sounds toxic and I doubt everyone likes her anyway. I certainly wouldn't continue to put on a friendly display if she's constantly bitching about you. Just tell the others you can't tolerate her backstabbing any more and don't want to continue to socialise in her company. Life's too short to spend with people you don't like.

thanks for the advice and for hearing me out (reading actually but still :))

i cannot not meet her because we generally meet up as a group and organize social activities like lunches or bbqs. I never meet her on her own or with family and hardly ever contact her or talk to her unless we're in the group.

and i don't wish to stop going to the group gatherings we organize because of her character as that would mean severing contact with the others as well, something i don't want.

yes the others have complained a little bit about her behaviour on occasions but i don't think they let her know either because as i said she's quite manipulative and will cause a cold war between us then.