We've been married 5 years and together for 7. We have 2DC, one who is 2yo and another who is 6mo. I am EBF and weaning at the moment. I work from home and have cut my hours since having the 2DC but still bring in around £4000 a month net to family income. I look after the DCs 24/7 (work while they're in bed and during naps, sometimes into the early hours), I do the cooking, DH and a cleaner share the cleaning 50/50.
Two years ago, coinciding exactly with the birth of our first DC, DH left full time employment and started a business with my blessing. It was a good business idea and he was certain that it would be a huge hit. While it hasn't failed and it has made some profit, the profit does not justify the hours he spends out of the house working. Between travelling, networking, meetings and actual hard intellectual/technical graft, he can sometimes be out of the house from 8.30am until between 12-2am most days including weekends. This is all for about £30K profit a year so far. DH says that it will payoff in the future in a big way and I just have to be patient.
At first I understood. I found it hard, having a new baby, still working, being alone most of the time while DH pushed the business. I can see that it does have the potential to get bigger and to really work - I DO see it - DH sometimes comes home a bit excited about opportunities coming up that could make big money and Rome wasn't built in a day etc but I am starting to get fed up and I don't know at what point I should be putting my foot down or what I should be asking him to do.
I am now alone all day with the DCs, and working alone at night. He comes in, is exhausted and irritable, passes out and gets up the next morning and goes to work. We often turn on each other with the same old argument - him telling me that he started the business with my blessing and I've been nothing but complain ever since. Me telling him that he has to look objectively at our situation and decide whether going back to being employed is better for us rather than pursuing something for vanity. We don't have sex, we're both just too knackered. When he has some spare time, he does some cleaning and washing. Neither of us have time to socialise. But DH certainly acts like he is the war hero, the rainmaker etc, even though I would argue that I am doing the brunt of everything, albeit the less glamorous brunt.
In addition to the practical stuff and wanting to avoid drip feeding, DH owned the house we live in, and transferred it half into my name when we got married. He also owns a separate flat for which we receive some rental income each month. That and my earnings go towards paying the bills and whatever is left over on food, the kids, (we live in London) etc. DH's profit goes back into the business.
Childcare is difficult because 2yo has SN and currently does not like going with new people and would have to really "get to know" someone in a way that only someone more frequent (and paid more than we can afford) would be able to do.
We have family close by, and when I had a EMCS with DC2 I stayed with them to help me out because DH was too busy with the business to help me. 2yo found the change very hard and it was a very difficult time (new baby brother plus being in a different place) as she was not comforted by my family, even though it was the help I personally needed at the time.
DH is a successful person, had an excellent job before he decided to start his own business, is not prone to hair-brained schemes, but some days I just feel like I'm going to crack. I have started enquiring about the ins and outs and asked him to assess how viable he thinks the business is for the sustainability of our family and our family life in the longterm. This often makes I'm defensive and accuse me of not having any faith in him and then he'll tell me that I just have to be patient, all businesses lose in the first year.
How long would you give it? Do you think our situation sounds like we're putting equal amounts in? (taking into account the fact he has given me half a house in london?)