When you think you've outlived your usefulness

[Norky1975]

DP of 5 years lived with me for 4 1/2 years - while he was getting divorced and waiting for his ex to move out of the marital home. He always said he would let/sell it when he got it back - after 4 months this hasn't happened. He can't/won't understand why I'm unhappy, and at the moment he's picking up and putting down our relationship when it suits him. At least that's how it feels. I don't want to chuck away 5 years, without sticking it out to see what happens? He insists he loves me and wants us to be together, but the way he's changed our relationship doesn't suit what I want.
He says he wants the house so there's somewhere for his kids to come - but how much longer do I carry on feeling like the last few years have not meant anything?

I'm trying to understand the issue here. It took him 4 years to get divorced and get his Ex out of the family house. Is that right?

And he initially said he'd either sell or let the house and now he's not doing that? It's just been 4 months and you may need to be more patient.

How has he changed your relationship?

Why did it take so long for his divorced?

Was he seperated when you met him or still with his Ex? Because it seems you've been with him almost as long as he's been getting divorced.

Depending on the details of the marriage /divorce /finances and how it's affected the children, he may have to focus on his DC as a priority. To provide them with some stability.

Has his Ex got a new place?

So his ex had to move out with the children? That's not how it usually goes, if so. The children usually stay in the marital home with, usually, the mother (who is usually the primary carer, though not always) until they're grown.

How did he get her out of the house? Why did the divorce take 4 years? It doesn't usually take that long.

Is he going to marry you? Have you talked about it?

I'm sorry I don't follow either. Has he moved out of yours back into his old marital home? Or is the problem that he is still living at yours?

After 4.5 years I would expect you to be reaching joint decisions on who lives where, but it sounds like that is not happening. I know it can be very complex with blended families but it would help if you could spell out why you're upset again, and explain who lives where now, and who is able or willing to move.