Am I being selfish?

[princesscake]

For wanting to change my daughters schools as I can't stand living in this town any longer. Everywhere I go I have bad memories. So much has happened here. In this town I'm supposed to call home.
I'm single with no network of good friends. My ex lives around the corner with his gf who absolutely hates me and doesn't have anything to do with my girls. There is absolutely nothing keping us here just my 2 Dd's schools.
Daughter is struggling to make new friends anyway but has a few she tags along with.
I'm scared of the unknown. Making a mistake.
I'm desperate for some advice I don't have anyone to talk to 😔

Haha no I am laughing now at the fact you thought I did 😂
I actually think you are very brave and obviously was determined to start a fresh.
I hope so too Jeaux xx

Hmmm making friends..certainly not in secondary (well I didn't, maybe I have a bitch face) you rarely see the parents. I think you have to join groups where people are actually open to making friends.
There are a lot of Meetup groups nowadays, they're a good idea. Otherwise stuff like crafts or a choir? They tend to be frequented by 'nice' people. An evening course could be an idea too, or like PP said, volunteer.

The WI has 'evolved' I think, and these days it's not so pompous (I've never joined as I can't make jam)..but I'd give anything a go to be honest. I have to say though, I work FT plus an evening a week so I'm well and truly knackered, so most of my socialising is at the weekend and it tends to be 'back home'. It isn't every weekend though.

Thanks Howlongtilldinner - I couldn't position in anymore study as I'm a student nurse who works too. Great idea though. I have met people through uni but they all seem to have their own lives. We have arranged a number of evenings and they cancel last minute.
I'm thinking maybe tinder? A coffee or a glass of wine may be fun.
Do you know what I find hard is the summer months. Everyone is having bbq's with friends etc. I love summer with my dd's but it gets lonely.
I will be happy if my dd's are happy and settling nicely. Hopefully they'll meet new friends with nice families. That's all I wish for really

Hi OP, I don't think you would be selfish to do this if you're going to move anyway.

I'd present it to your DD as "Look, you're going to be moving to this school in a year or two anyway when we move house, so wouldn't it be better to move now before all the friendship groups have been settled?"

(You may have already had that conversation of course)

Have you actually checked with the school that there would be a place for her to transfer into?

princess a working student nurse?? My goodness where would you find the time to socialise?! My daughter qualified last year, she lives at home, and she struggled, she has no kids/responsibilies/commitments! Good on you, you can go anywhere with that nursing degree. For what it's worth my DD also had the 'cancelling' at uni, but it was purely down to the studying and deadlines.
I would move sooner rather than later too.

I know what you mean about the summer months. Being single is hard in as much you have to make an effort. If you have a partner then they are always available.

I know what it's like to be lonely, in and out of a relationship..

My 4 kids (3 in primary) travel an hour a day to school. Don't let 10 miles stop you moving.

Pocket - I have had this conversation. My dd is concerned about being the new girl. I am home for a couple of days and that is my plan to start asking questions today.
Howlongtilldinner - yes it's hard work. I am just about surviving haha! I don't have time for much to be hon as I have to work also. It is hard both ways you are right I guess. I suppose I get the odd day feeling a bit lonely. Moving, I wouldn't be less lonely that's for sure. I have to wait until I'm qualified to buy again. No mortgage will allow me right now. Also paying arrears from when exH left. So I'm thinking another 18 months (providing I can remortgage. I'm sure I will)
Good luck to your dd she has done well. I know how hard it is but hopefully worth it
Wallywobbles - that's a fair distance. You mean if my dd stays at her school and we move anyway? Or moving her and travelling each day until we move house to be nearer?

"My ex lives around the corner with his gf who absolutely hates me and doesn't have anything to do with my girls."

Are you referring to your ex or his girlfriend in this comment?

Girlfriend. My exH sees his dd's once a month and takes them to his mum's for whatever reason I don't know. He won't ever say.

I was going to say you might want to talk to your ex about relocating your daughter if it means him seeing less of her. But it doesn't sound like he's going to win "The Dad of the Year" award as he see's his DD once a month. Is that his choice to see his own daughter once a month??

Oh he would not care. In all honesty I wish it was further away. He has no interest in anything my dd's do sadly. That's why I posted on here really. It's hard being a single parent. Frightening making decisions alone. I could go on and on about his shocking behaviour but that's another post haha!

Ps his choice. I have begged him to make more effort. Begged him to try and see how we both need to be parents but I'm exhausted by it. I gave up even trying a while back. He knows she's had trouble in school. I asked if he called her, text her but nothing.

Princess this is not your responsibility. His relationship with his kids is his.

You can't fix that. Xxx

Princess whatever you need to do to make it work. I moved my girls from our local primary in our village at 8&9 to a much better local school 15kms away.

Then again this year an hour away to a really good school along with my step kids aged 8&11 &DDs11&12. So they've always been new girls out of sync with the mass intakes.

They've always come out with friends at the end of the first day. They might not always be the exact same friends at the end of the year but not far off.

It's probably harder mid year which is what happened to me aged 7 at primary when my mum died. But likewise I had friends pretty quickly not always from my class or year though.

For us the quality of the teaching is the clincher.

I know that now Jeaux. It sent me bonkers at the beginning but to be honest I forget about him most of the time as he is completely not interested so it's habit just to parent alone.
Yes true Wallywobbles. Glad your dc's have settled. I'm sure mine will too. I have started the research process.
I have actually thought alot about it and whatever happens regarding the school I feel better knowing I will be moving anyway and if I have to travel a bit for schools I will. Up until I posted here I always thought I couldn't move because of schools but I actually can. I can! Feeling more positive and it is down to all of you so thankyou so so much

I also parented alone. It was better than parenting with a total loser. You will find that although you are solely responsible for decisions, it could be that you were with each and STILL solely responsible for decisions! That's how it sometimes is. What is the worst case scenario? Look at it like that and you'll find that it's something that can be avoided or dealt with.

Life is about taking risks..you're doing this in DDs best interest, that's what you are basing your decision on. You CAN do this

Princess it's great to read that you are feeling stronger and more positive.

You can do this, it's what you believe is best for you and your dd's
Xxx

Xxx

How are you doing Princess? You popped into my mind today. Hope all is moving forward for you xxx

Hi Jeaux 😊
Thankyou for thinking about me 😊
I feel alot better. My dd has started a couple of after school activities and met new friends which makes me so happy so right now we haven't decided to move schools but I still absolutely HATE driving home from work. I can't wait to qualify and be in a position to buy and I will then decide on the school situation. If my dd is settled and making friends that's the important thing. I will just drop her off each morning when we move. Before I posted I had it in my head that if my dd's stay at the local school I will have to live here for many more years but after posting on here I thought. I actually don't which gives me hope. If I could move tomorrow to make a fresh start I would. Every single day I dream about that day xx

Hey Princess. That sounds like a great compromise! It's only 8 miles after all! Get qualified and in the meantime you can do property porn on the rightmove app

That will keep you focussed on your studies

Really glad to hear things are good with your dd and you have found a compromise that works xxx

Thanks Jeaux 😊 really kind of you.
Yes I have been searching already haha! It definitely keeps me focused on the days I'm struggling with juggling that's for sure xxx