Brand spanker

[cantwaitforsummertimeeeeeee]

So I've split from my abusive partner ( verbally and had anger management problems) of 2.5 yrs it has taken a lot to leave him which has been over the last 3 months but officially asked him to leave finally 2.5 weeks ago

Since the last couple of months I've reconnected with old friends, one of which is an old school friend who I last saw 18 years ago!
He's lovely, kind and has been a very good source of advice along with my family and long term friends

He understands my situation and has also ended a volatile relationship last Nov and yesterday he told me he has feelings for me
To be honest I'm not surprised as he hasn't made it a secret however I have made it clear I'm not ready for a relationship so have said we can spend some time together.
He's been over, I've been to his, we've just had dinner a couple of times, gone to the beach and country park for walks and it's just been friendship

I really really like him
I feel guilty that I don't want my ex back as he is still contacting me
There's been no real apology just more horrible than nice messages as I won't get into a debate with him
He wants to buy me by saying I can keep his car and the private med insurance we had - soon as I'm saying I don't want it or him as we made each other miserable - see my last post as don't wanna ramble - he gets nasty

Anyway my question is how long do I leave it?
I'm worried about getting hurt and starting something new with someone again...I know him and his family from when I lived in the village and all his friends..who I've also reconnected back with but just want some
Advice

He said there's no pressure but I'm worried I'm letting go potentially of someone who can be amazing

It sounds like you are doing the right things.

Have you looked at baggage reclaim website?

That's pretty good.

No what's that lol?!

God I've just got a voice note from the ex saying sorry how he's no good for me...how sorry he is how he's going go sort himself out and that he loves me and lo and misses us
He sounded soooo upset
My friend said he's just saying all this but nothing will change

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-blog
Enjoy!

I wouldn't believe what he says. His behavior is a much better indicator. If he was going to change he could evidence it, appointments, therapy, actions...
Calling you up telling you he will change...just talk

I've had a look thank you

Well in one text he said he was going back to anger management but he has done that two other occasions where he lost his temper and went for 2 sessions and stopped so why would the 3rd time be any different
And yes your right it's just words
However I just want to be sure that I'm not closing the door or turning my back on someone who I do love if he really really will change, that's my one bit of doubt I guess
But I feel my head is saying for my own sanity to try move on
I've asked for him to leave me alone as that's what I gee is right at the moment

If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got!

Give yourself time to decide what you want.
Why don't you make a decision like 'I'm not even going to consider any relationship for 6 months'
I guarantee if you do the freedom programme that you will grow out if this relationship.

You deserve more.
Your DD deserves more.

If you don't mind, how is your parents relationship? What did you learn as a child?

Such good advice thank you
I'm looking forward to doing that
It was ok...mum and dad split up when I was 17yrs but she's now with someone and very happy
I don't talk to my dad
But I remember my childhood being happy
I feel very clear this morning and your advice has really helped so thank you xx

Hi, I just wanted to say that if the new man really cares for you he will wait. I met my husband at college when we were around 16/17 years old, we didn't get together until we were nearly 30... he waited for me to leave an abusive relationship for ten years and then waited another year for me to be ready to enter a new relationship before he told me he'd been in love with me all that time.

Ignore the ex. They all say these things, if he was going to change he would have put work into it while you were still together.

It shouldn't have to take you walking out to make it real to him. That just shows he doesn't care about you, he cares about what he stands to lose. It's not good enough.

That's very true
I do know all this it's just very reassuring to hear as I gave him chance after chance
No ones perfect
I'm not looking for perfection
I just want a happy stable relationship