A year ago I left an abusive relationship and it's been a tough time emotionally getting my head around it all and also dealing with all the resulting fallouts from those around me.
Some family members who I believed were supportive today expressed their view that I was almost as much to blame as ex p for the relationship breakdown. Thats because when two people break up it is always both parties who are to blame. We all make mistakes they said you just have to learn and move on. I am at fault too and I need to start accepting that.
I am at fault because I persevered with a failing relationship and I should have realised.
It's just really upset me as now I am beating myself up again and doubting myself.
I guess I must be at fault in some way but I now know I was suffering big time emotional abuse, sometimes physical . (Lundy Bancroft books were huge eye opener) My abusive parents gave me a skewed understanding of 'normal' relationships. This is what I tried to say back to my 'supporters' but this was literally dismissed as a 'red herring'. They minimise a lot and I think that they feel my calling it 'abuse' is far fetched and way over the top. They cannot name it as such. Although they accept it's bad behaviour and do not approve of his treatment of me they take a diplomatic approach. They insist that he is more of an 'insensitive lost soul' rather than the abuser that he is, and insist he is not a nasty person. (Even though they know of the physical abuse and emotional abuse he inflicted). It makes my feelings/experience feel minimised and not warranted.
Sorry if this is a bit garbled .. I accept totally if I am being unreasonable in this situation but not sure if I am. I realise I should have not started a relationship with ex p but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Also they always encouraged the relationship! Even when things were bad.
They have been a rock in many ways but I often feel belittled and judged. Is this my issue though? Don't know. It's how I feel but not sure if it's right.
I'm struggling to know what is 'right' any more. I've really messed up.
I guess my main question is that don't know whether to continue with getting support from them as I don't know whether this is my problem. I don't have any support otherwise so it's tough but maybe I am better on my own.