Are DH and I in trouble or just tired and is this just run of the mill??

[mrsclaus100]

I'm hoping for some perspective and opinions here please. I can't quite tell where my relationship is at the moment.

A bit of history, DH and I have been together 15 years, married for 7. We have 2 delightful little boys aged 3 and 1. And now also expecting baby no 3 not quite part of the plan which was a shock, but a happy one now that we've adjusted to the idea.

Life is generally fun but bloody hard work, we both work and have jobs with high pressure and responsibility, the children are still very young and require a lot of attention and needless to say life seems to be a bit of an endless routine of feeding, bathtimes, lunchboxes......you know the drill.

By the time the kids are in bed, we are fed and all the fucking tedious mundane jobs are done, we are both shattered. I often sit watching tv or on the laptop and DH either goes to the gym or has a bath if it's not a gym night. Often, by the time he gets back from the gym or comes back down from having a bath, I go to bed so we are like passing ships. Being 25 weeks pregnant I'm knackered and am asleep by the time he gets to bed so our sex life is lacking somewhat too. Still manage to schedule it for about once a week though.

We are good together when the kids are around but feel like we are losing a grip on our own relationship. We don't talk much in the evenings and there isn't much affection between us anymore. Is this just what happens when you have very small children? Or should I be worried?

Nellooo - yes we have been the same really since ds2 was born. The shock of going from 1 to 2 really was tough. I imagine even tougher for you as your first was so much older. Like you, I'm positive we can get things back on track and I'm feeling much more upbeat about things now I know there are so many other MN'ers in a similar boat.

Temp - yes you're right. I think we need more nights out together. We used to have no problem with that, however I seem to turn into a recluse when pregnant and just can't be arsed especially if it's a pub/night out situation with friends who'll be drinking. Might suggest a few cinema trips though.

Nbo - absolutely right that something has to give, it just makes me sad that we're not as close as we once were. We do eat together although I must admit it's in front of the tv eg on Valentine's night he cooked us a nice meal and had a glass of bubbly waiting for me when I came down from putting the kids down, but as he cooked he was watching the rugby the whole time so I retired to the other room and waited to be served! Just not much closeness there at the mo. I think I just need to let the dust settle after last nights disagreement and just plod along and try to make small changes!