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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

feel crap about being blocked

48 replies

angelcakerocks · 19/02/2017 14:00

NC for this. I know I'll probably get told I'm an idiot but this keeps going round in my head. Was seeing a guy a couple of months but known him longer and have mutual friends etc. We seem to have kind of broke up, but it was more of a drifting off/he stopped making plans to see me for a week or two but was still messaging a lot, then a bit slower to message/reply then nothing for a few days. Then I messaged him and he didn't reply he just blocked me. This has really hurt me and I keep focussing on it. I know I need to move on and want to but am really upset. There was no reason to block me like a horrible message or anything, it's just to me such an odd thing to do.

OP posts:

EightiethElement · 19/02/2017 22:11

I went out with somebody once and we really hit it off so i was expecting a second date. Instead i got total silence followed by a linked in invitation. Because we had got on so well i felt he could have sent me some short text message.. ... i felt like sending him a link to something i read on the internet, rules for dating. Always send a quick message to say 'it was lovely to have met you but i dont want to take it further'.

littlefrog3 · 19/02/2017 23:42

It's a crappy thing to have done to you, and I am sorry it has happened. By the same token, for some people it's easier to just ghost people than to have a confrontation. Not defending him, but I'm just saying that I can understand it.

Just move on now.........

ColumbosCousin · 20/02/2017 10:47

Everybody's entitled to their opinion here, I know thats how MN works but I am honestly amazed at how "meh" some people are, its just life, thats how people cope with things, etc. What that "man" did wasn't just a slow retreat or even 'ghosting', it was blocking. Everyone can be weak or just lacking in awareness but it seems to me "blocking" with no explanation after a love affair basically is an awful thing to do, even deliberately hurtful to the other party I would say. IME even in two months, especially after sleeping together and sharing romantic hopes, things can feel very intense and I do understand how OP feels. I did read on MN once that some men are just very selfish when it comes to new relationships, and just ride in for what they want giving very little thought to the other person if they get tired of their new fantasy - i think the worst ones are those who build up hopes for future relationship falsely. There's a name for doing this, which I forget, sorry. Narcissists are very good at this. But also the worst kind of selfish chauvenist. I suspect if OP looks back he probably wasn't a nice guy really and gave a few red flags, am I wrong? That was my experience anyway ....

Walkacrossthesand · 20/02/2017 12:48

I think it's called 'future faking' , Columbo

ColumbosCousin · 20/02/2017 12:58

Thanks for that Walkacross, thats the phrase I was looking for.

tigermoll · 20/02/2017 13:15

A wise friend once said to me "rejection is always much less about you than you'd like to believe".

tigermoll · 20/02/2017 13:16

...but yes, finishing it in this way is cowardly, immature and unnecessary. I've always been much more offended by the idea that the man in question assumes there'd be some sort of "scene" or that I'd cry and beg, than by the fact the relationship has ended.

MrsChopper · 20/02/2017 13:27

Sorry you're going through this But it sounds like you've had a lucky escape. He is clearly quite immature.

Original poster

angelcakerocks · 20/02/2017 18:06

thanks columbo for your understanding, it has really made a difference, and thank you to tigermoll and mrschopper and everyone who has posted on here.
He was future faking yes. There was quite a bit of chat about the future and I met a couple of relatives and friends, he certainly seemed quite serious.
I know people change their mind and that's fair enough. What especially hurts is just the disrespectfulness of just blocking me, without even so much as a text saying bye I'm blocking you now all the best or something. As you say tigermollI it's also the assumption that I would make a scene or be a stalker or something he probably could have seen I wasn't like that.
I shall take comfort from what you say, probably not about me especially. I didn't see any major red flags or chauvinism but I do think looking back he did come across as immature possibly, which he clearly is. Obviously not a person who faces things head on.

OP posts:

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 20/02/2017 20:53

I didn't see any red flags with mine either, apart from a bit of future faking (I love that phrase, sooo useful, thank you PPs!)

He was polite, kind, a gentleman but not sleazy at all, just seemed just right. He did say a few times he thought I was the one for him, made noises about meeting family etc.

Called me on the Saturday evening to arrange to meet the next day and then just blanked me!

He didn't block me to start with. I could see him reading my messages but not replying. I know he was ok because he posted some silly video (unrelated, just a dog video) to FB etc, but totally ignored me.

I think I'm most gutted that I didn't spot it coming. It's more that that upset me than being ghosted itself, iyswim. It makes me wonder how the hell do you spot the good ones?

Original poster

angelcakerocks · 20/02/2017 21:26

that's awful oncemore how long ago was it? It's so cowardly. I think it is very hard to spot the good ones and it feels a risk going out with people when you can get discarded so easily without a goodbye. It's rude as well as upsetting

OP posts:

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 20/02/2017 21:34

Couple of weeks ago. It was online dating. We met a few times, text a lot, talked on the phone most evenings. He was lovely. I was guilty of allowing myself to think of a future with this lovely man, and then pooof, gone!

It's really brutal out there. Makes me want to stay under a rock, but I'm lonely! Argh 😤

It does help to read that it's not just me, and I hope this thread has helped you too, angel

Original poster

angelcakerocks · 20/02/2017 22:22

It really has helped me oncemore thanks. I agree it's off putting for dating as a whole. I hope you find someone nice I'm sure they are out there somewhere.
I'm still feeling crap but this thread has made me see it's more about him than me and to try not to take it so personally and just see it as finding out his true colours early on. If someone can't act with basic courtesy then they're not for me I guess. Hard though, to match up his behaviour with who I thought he was

OP posts:

Original poster

angelcakerocks · 23/02/2017 11:31

Just an update: A message popped up from him, saying sorry he had blocked me but he's started seeing someone and he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. He hopes I'm well. Then he blocked me again, presumably to make sure I couldn't reply not that I was going to!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2017 11:35

Ffs, that's just cruel, he's making sure you know he blocked you and rubbing it in he's met someone else. There was no need for it. I can't get my head round why someone would simply decide one day to be randomly cruel for no reason whatsoever.

Original poster

angelcakerocks · 23/02/2017 11:55

Thanks bluntness yes all very unnecessary. Presumably it was to make him feel better about himself - as in he only did it because he's such a nice guy not wanting to upset the new woman.
It's upsetting but the only consolation is that I know this is not someone I want in my life.

OP posts:

tigermoll · 23/02/2017 15:46

Ha! "Nice guys" are possibly the worst.Cloaking their basic disrespect in the language of "feelings" and making sure that on paper, they can tell themselves they behaved just fine. Grr.

Original poster

angelcakerocks · 23/02/2017 17:21

thanks tigermoll I'm certainly going to be like this the next time someone comes across as a lovely sensitive nice guy! I still can't believe he has acted so bad, as what I thought was the nicest guy has actually been probably the worst I've dated.

OP posts:

Amandahugandkisses · 23/02/2017 17:25

Blocking is fucking brutal. So is slow fade.
But...
He is telling you how he feels by doing that. No message is a message too.
It's horrible. Cry it out, listen to music etc eat ice cream whatever you need to do but at least you know where you stand.

Ezzy4545 · 29/10/2021 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DatingGaaaa · 30/10/2021 06:07

@angelcakerocks wow he sounds awful, OP. Its always very hurtful to feel rejected (even if you don’t want someone!), the brain just doesn’t like it. I can understand you must be feeling horrible as he’s essentially tailed things off then cut you off completely. It’s also tough two months in when you think things are going well.

As hard as it is, I’d say nothing or as little as possible on it. Focus on dating others, again not easy, but this man is NOT someone you’d want something long term with. You will look back and be glad you realised this two months in. Be kind to yourself

DatingGaaaa · 30/10/2021 06:10

@angelcakerocks

not that I was going to!

@angelcakerocks just saw this update, sorry. He is awful OP. No doubt he will single again soon, please stay well away and find someone worthy of you.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 30/10/2021 06:27

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!!!!!

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