DP and I are usually okay. The romance is gone (the sex is dead- he was a prolific porn user he says he has stopped but doubt it) and I don't think he finds me attractive anymore. He assures me he does but I think otherwise.
He really thinks he does the best by me etc but then will also say he can be a dick at times. I do not get on with his family (they're very superficial people and make a lot of comments about me behind my back about me and family) but he doesn't like them much either.
Our problem is that he drinks, a lot. He doesn't see it as a lot but he cannot and will not stop at one. He has a few and has to have a full on session. Tonight, he told me he feels too unwell to see me (we don't live together after 5 years because we are young and are saving) and that he wants to spend the night at home. That's fine, he then rings me to say he's already had some shots after work and has decided to go out with the boys. I have no problem with him going out, I like him to go out but I don't appreciate being ditched for him to then go out. He doesn't see this as disrespectful. This happens regularly. I even said this would happen earlier today.
We often talk about plans for the future and when he does something like this he often brings it up as a way to butter me up. Recently he went out, when we had agreed he wouldn't go to certain places because they are primarily there for single people etc, he went anyway and whilst there got talking to somebody who temps at his job. After talking for five minutes, she then kissed him, to which he told her no I am with somebody blah blah blah and apparently spoke to her about me for five minutes after. It took him nearly a week to tell me about this and then lied when I asked him who it was- he said he didn't know. I knew there was something missing and he eventually said he knew who she was, told me, and then said he didn't say initially because he didn't want me to cause a problem about it.
We have no children but plan to once we are more settled and I finish my course. I am open to anybody telling me that I am being a wanker or overly sensitive. He says I should cut him a break but I think this behavior is unacceptable. I am not without my faults, I am by nature a bit of a loner (he seems to think this is why I cause an issue when he goes out, not the excessive drinking, secrets or women could be bothering me). I am quite firey (in a stroppy way not violent or anything) and do have a certain standard for how I would like to be treated- is that really that bad?
Any advice greatly appreciated or reminders that some men aren't total tossers.