Why men love b****es

[Baconbinge]

Just curious if anyone has read this book? I have been skimming through it recently and found it quite an eye opener. I have made many mistakes in past relationships that are talked about in this book.

Would like to know if anyone has read this and had relationships change for the better? And if what they say really works.

Exits even ...

HAHAHAHA That made me laugh, there is probably a book out there called that too.

How come men don't read any books about how they should conduct themselves in a relationship? Eh?

I don't think you should have to change your personality to keep a man. If you are a 'soft' person and he doesn't appreciate you then you shouldn't be with him. Find someone who appreciates you the way you are and let him jog on.

Nice to see I wasnt the only person who thought it was boobies

My DH loves relationship books and has read loads, I don't get it, but he's interested in human psychology and finds these books fascinating, mostly for the variety of advice. He read that one, and basically he said they all boil down to the same thing for both sexes. Confidence and knowing you don't NEED to be with someone.
Everything else in every book is basically sexist stereotypes. But the underlying "truth" is confidence.

I read it and I agreed with it as I was reading it. I hate the title though, it gives the wrong impression. I agree with it apart from the odd thing, like asking a man to fix something you could fix yourself to make him feel important.

But I agree with the basis of the book which is be genuinely busy, don't just pretend to be busy. Have interests. Go out with your friends. Don't invest in to a man until he's invested in to you. (ie, time, energy, hope, plans) Don't sleep with him until he's already meeting your needs I think. Not because you're hoping it'll become a thing that meets your need.
It's been so long since i read it. But although I read it nodding, I had to go through a lot of this shit (dating) in real life for it to be properly internalised. I'm meeting a man later, arranged tuesday I think and all week he's been chat and banter by text and by Thursday I was thinking, been here, this is stoopid, so I just politely wound the chat down and said I'd see him Saturday. He was fine with that.

Baconbinge, I was a terrible people pleaser too but in the early days, first few dates, yes, always put yourself first if there's a jostle for position. That doesn't mean trampling on your dates head. But if the only night he's free is Tuesday and your drama group meets Tuesday, you just say ''shame, there's no day we're both free''.

like asking a man to fix something you could fix yourself to make him feel important.

It actually says that??

onewiththeforce yes. My DH laughed his ass off with that one. Like he said. One solid piece of advice under loads of misogyny

Don't sleep with him until he's already meeting your needs I think.

What if your needs are to have hot sex?

I hate anything that implies women are sexual gatekeepers.

I don't think you should take everything said in the book literally, but i do agree with the basics of what the book is trying to put across. I think i have just found myself giving up too much of myself for the sake of thinking it will please who i am with, and in the end you end up making yourself unhappy, and finding yourself in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you anymore. I just think it is important to always remember who you are, not who you think someone else would like. As i said previously i am quite an independent woman with lots of hobbies and interests, i just need to stay that way once i am in a relationship.

Baconbinge you don't need a book to tell you to be yourself. The only wise piece of information any of those books give is to stay yourself. If you find yourself changing in a way that makes you uncomfortable (because obviously in most relationships you will find you adapt and change for the other person, but it's in a natural and comfortable way, without much effort or thought, and no regret...till kids...anyway) when I met DH I didn't care if he stayed or left. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I feel more like me than with anyone I was ever with. BUT I could drop him tomorrow if he cheated or did something else unforgivable and not look back. I would be fine and happy because I love me. I think that self knowledge is attractive. And yes DH has it too. One of the reasons I love him.

Some relationships are just not going to work because the people are looking for different things or they just don't click. When they do work it's not because of the ability for the woman to somehow magically balance their personality to meet some ideal relationship formula. If a relationship that isn't going to last ends up dragging on longer than it should, it's usually because the one that's in denial is bending around the other person in the hope they'll cling on and change. They never change though and it just makes it harder for the one that wants to escape, to actually do so.

Exactly my point. I know i don't need a book to tell me these things, it just reminds and reinstates my actual beliefs. I agree with everything you have said, you are spot on. I do just think it is so easy to forget these things, especially if you're young. This book has just reminded me of my worth. I am in a relationship with an amazing guy, who supports me in every way. I just needed a little reminder of who i am, with or without him. He would never try to change me, and i wouldn't want to change him, but i needed a reminder to like you say 'stay myself' and not become insecure or needy. Your outlook is exactly what i want to keep and not lose sight of.

I was single for a long time before this relationship, and very happy so. I have never 'needed' a man to make me feel complete. I think being with someone who makes me happy scared me a little and made me feel slightly dependent, when in fact i have always just relied on myself for my happiness. I want to keep this trait, but i also want to just enjoy being happy WITH someone, not BEACAUSE of someone else.

Thefitfatty great post, imo you have the perfect attitude towards relationships

baconbinge
you don't need a book to tell you to be yourself. The only wise piece of information any of those books give is to stay yourself.

But many women are raised to be people pleasers and "being themselves" means being a doormat (until they finally wise up, possibly with the help of the nest of cunts that is MN)

I have read the book - the title is tongue in cheek and I'm not going to agonise over it. The advice on sex is a bit odd, if I want sex with a man I'll bloody well have it when I want to, not on some basis of making him wait for it. But in terms of "Don't drop everything when he calls, don't make him feel he's the most important thing in your life (you are, or should be, the most important thing in your life), don't change yourself according to what he says" it's spot on.

Sorry I name checked baconbinge but actually meant fitfatty.