My friend and I are both middle aged and have known each other since childhood, (35 years,) although we have had spells of not seeing each other (maybe 2-3 years at a time; ) not fall outs, just drifted apart. That said, we have been in touch constantly for about 7 years now and see each other every 7-8 weeks.
I used to live near her in the 1980's and knew her family (8 siblings altogether.)
I now live about 40 miles away in a different county, but we meet for a coffee and a catch-up every couple of months in a small town that's halfway between us both usually. I always buy her a Christmas gift and birthday gift, and she does for me. Don't buy each others kids as it gets too much; she already has 15+ nieces and nephews as well as her own 3 kids.
Anyway, we met back in early December, and she told me her niece who is 30, was losing her battle with cancer (been fighting it for 4 or so years,) and her sister and brother-in-law were struggling as she is their only child, and they were very upset. I see her sister in passing once or twice a year (if I am in my old town where they all live, which I still visit now and again,) but I don't know her very well and have never met her daughter (my friend's niece.)
So anyway, the poor girl died in mid January. My friend texted me to tell me, and I messaged back and said I am so sorry, and asked when and where the funeral is. She messaged back and said it wasn't arranged yet. I messaged back and said 'ok well give them all my love, tell them I am so sorry, and let me know when the funeral is.' She messaged back and said 'thank you, I will pass on your condolences...'
I didn't hear anything else, so figured maybe they only wanted close family at the funeral, and very close friends of my friend's niece. I never met the girl and so I guess it would have been weird to go to her funeral, but I guess it would have been nice to have shown support for the family.
As I said, I don't even live in that county now, I don't have contact with anyone else who knows them, and so I didn't go. Well I couldn't anyway, as I didn't know when or where it was.
Then 3 days ago, I contacted my friend to say I hope all is well and that the funeral went well, and does she want to meet for a coffee soon and a chat?
So far I have heard nothing.
She does have a habit of not texting back or returning my calls, (until I have messaged 2 or 3 times,) as she works part-time, has 3 kids, and also a brother who she calls in on 3 or 4 times a week, as he has learning difficulties. So she is a busy person, and I don't take it personally, and as I said, I often message 3 times over a week or so before she replies.
I don't know though, whether I should keep bothering her this time after the close family member death.
Would you message again a few more times? Leave it a bit longer?
I am a bit puzzled at to what to do.