Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How soon can you fall in love?

46 replies

StillIRise1 · 18/02/2017 09:07

Very new relationship, he's affectionate,attentive , respectful , just fabulous , but I'm worried I'm being love bombed, he sends the most beautiful messages when we're not together and it just seems too perfect
I've no reason not to trust what he says but I'm terrified of doing so in case I am being love bombed and it just fizzles out, how do you tell the difference?
He hasn't said he loves me yet but I can see it coming,I've not felt this kind of connection in a long time

OP posts:
Original poster
StillIRise1 · 18/02/2017 20:10

Well I was bored and was having a nose about on the site I met him on and there he was becoming "friends" with a woman local to him and liking her pics.... silly silly me

OP posts:
SassynSane · 18/02/2017 20:31

Oh that's really crap! Sorry to hear that but I guess your gut feel was that it was a bit too good to be true....deep breath and Wine and Flowers

BarchesterFlowers · 18/02/2017 20:36

Wow Still, eyes open indeed. Better to know now than later on Wine all round.

Original poster
StillIRise1 · 18/02/2017 20:41

He's insisting it's not a problem and that he just liked a few pics, saying I have a low opinion of him etc, saying I met him on that site and he still goes on to look at pics and that he's fallen for me, bullshit right?

OP posts:
SassynSane · 18/02/2017 20:46

Flip it though - if it was the other way around how would he feel? Plus if it was the other way round why would you be doing it? At best you'd be keeping your options open...at worst you'd be a player... If he's fallen for you as much as he says then he clearly wouldn't be logging into a dating site! I think you know the answer....it smells and it moos! Sorry though but Barchester is right - better to know now! Hugs!

BarchesterFlowers · 18/02/2017 20:47

I wouldn't entertain it Still. Not with the gushing and keenness, the two don't match.

And it might not be a problem for him, but it is for you. I wouldn't invest in anyone who was liking other women on a dating site hedging his bets.

BToperator · 18/02/2017 20:53

I was just about to say, stay wary, but enjoy it, as it could be genuine. However I wouldn't be happy with the friending and liking of other women, so maybe he is not what he seemed.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 18/02/2017 22:48

I met a man via Tinder his profile popped up when I was looking through one evening, I really liked the look of him but he had no profile which was a big no-no for me but instead of swiping him left I swiped right. Before I could even gather breath he sent me a message saying hi and we got chatting. A few weeks later we met and have been together ever since. One of the first things we did when we decided it was a relationship though was to ditch Tinder and all other OLD sites.

This guy is giving mixed messages. He is either really in to you and wants to give it a go or he isn't. Remaining on those kinds of sites would indicate to me that he is covering all of his bases.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 18/02/2017 23:58

did you mean the a dating sire though, OP? Sounds like it's social media type thing or hobby-based if he is 'friends with someone. Unless you meant he said he was 'just friends;' with someone new on a dating site - then obviously likely to be BS.

LoveforPGTipsMonkey · 18/02/2017 23:58

*dating site (not sire!)

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/02/2017 00:03

What site is it? A dating site?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/02/2017 00:04

No, it can't be (with liking pictures, etc). Is it FB?

lottieandmia · 19/02/2017 00:08

The man I've been posting about is like this so I've decided not to see him. But I hate clingy men. I prefer people to be cool with me. The clingy one always drove to pick me up as well. Kept buying me stuff etc. He certainly was attentive but then when I was in his company I felt really suffocated.

I personally think you need time to miss someone.

Wingsofdesire · 19/02/2017 00:09

How soon can you fall in love?

C. 13.5 seconds.

It really doesn't take long.

lottieandmia · 19/02/2017 00:11

Men who keep liking loads of women's pictures are usually desperately insecure Ime.

Wingsofdesire · 19/02/2017 00:19

But I do think instant over the top keenness is a bit strange.

If you really like someone, would you make grand gestures to show it?

No. You'd probably try to hide it or keep it low for a while, because you'd be uncertain it was reciprocated, even if you felt it was.

It would take time - not to fall in love, but to feel confident enough to show it consciously, rather than trying to hide it.

I think our natural instinct, if we really like someone, is to be particularly guarded, for a while at least, until we feel certain of their liking us too.

I know that social media has brought a lot of guys out of their shells, as it were, and they are bolder with expressing their reaction to women, but still ... I think be a bit cautious still.

Original poster
StillIRise1 · 19/02/2017 07:53

It wasn't a traditional site we met on, more a niche site for people wanting a specific type of relationship, I hesitated about saying that I'm my original post because I wasn't sure that it made any difference and didn't want to be judged my preferences
Maybe it does make a difference, I don't know , he certainly seems to think so, he's apologised and said he won't do just again, but I just feel flat
Regardless of what kind of site I wanted to meet someone like me who just wanted a relationship with one person

OP posts:
JustForYouHeresALoveSong · 19/02/2017 13:30

Well me of old (say 3 years ago when I first started dating again) would have given that the benefit of the doubt.

Me of now would just walk.

Why?

Because me of old never once gave the benefit of the doubt without later thinking, "Ah, my mistake was giving the benefit of the doubt"...

Original poster
StillIRise1 · 19/02/2017 13:44

You're probably right, he's been messaging all day, but I just feel a bit meh about it all now
I mean why bother with all the gushy crap? I just don't get it, he was the one insisting on taking it slow

OP posts:
ddssdd · 19/02/2017 14:57

The ones who appear so quick to fall in 'love', seem to be the same ones who are quick to do the disappearing act. This is from my personal experience.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 19/02/2017 15:12

Sympathy...I've had a few falls from a great height like that and it doesn't feel good at all. I'm a great believer in trusting instincts now, not glossing things over so that everything is more exciting or perfect.
I dated a guy twice last year. He was totally over the top. Got all carried away with himself. It was such a mismatch because it was too soon for me to even know if I liked him. I ended it and at first he was really angry and disbelieving but then simmered down. At Xmas he texted me to say Happy Xmas and says that right after I broke up with him he met someone else and they were getting married this Feb 😂
I kind of broke out in a cold sweat because that's clearly what he was looking for, almost didn't matter who it was!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread