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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This has been a long time coming.

13 replies

IamnotatrollIswear · 17/02/2017 21:27

First of all, I'm a long time poster. So please bypass the troll-hunting bollocks if you can...please?

I've been married for 7 years, and 5 of those years have been completely celibate...my DH takes all responsibility for this.

Recently I've been going out with some colleagues on a night out locally, a few weekends a month, and I've actually met a, I guess, Z list celeb at a local venue and I really fancy him.

I could literally meet him right now if I wanted to. Talk me down, MN. I'm just so desperate to feel wanted.

OP posts:

Holly3434 · 17/02/2017 21:30

Don't see what relevance if he's a A list or z list celebrity is, you need to be honest with your DH first before you even start thinking about doing anything, he deserves to know your unhappy and wish to end it

SmileEachDay · 17/02/2017 21:30

Does your DH know you are unhappy with the situation?

Original poster

IamnotatrollIswear · 17/02/2017 21:40

He does know I'm unsatisfied and just says he's sorry but can't feel intimate right now. Although he said he, literal quote, "Thomas tanks" it when he needs to.

OP posts:

SmileEachDay · 17/02/2017 21:44

Do you want to leave him?

Original poster

IamnotatrollIswear · 17/02/2017 21:44

I am so close to just texting B. Life is too fucking short.

OP posts:

BusyHomemaker · 17/02/2017 21:46

It's understandable that you are tempted. Five years without a sexual relationship with your OH must be very unfilfilling. It seems to me that you need to have a very frank discussion with your DH. Try and work out the next move with your marriage before you do anything rash.

SmileEachDay · 17/02/2017 21:46

If you were going to do it, you wouldn't be posting on here.

Original poster

IamnotatrollIswear · 17/02/2017 21:47

Smile I'm torn. I think I do? We have a good friendship but lately I feel it's not enough.

OP posts:

SmileEachDay · 17/02/2017 21:48

Any children?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 17/02/2017 21:50

There's several things here. The new person, sex drive and your relationship with your husband.

Your relationship with your husband - how is it in other ways ? Has he completely refused to address the issue ?

If so how long are you willing to put up with it for ? Forever ? Or would there be a point at which it would be too much ?

I don't think the other man is really what you need to be focusing on right now.

It's bigger than that.

Original poster

IamnotatrollIswear · 17/02/2017 22:01

DH kind of laughs it off. I don't think he gets that a woman i.e. me would be bothered about a lack of sex life. Any instigation on my part (usually after a few glasses of wine) has been met with embarrassing laughter, and "we don't need to so that anymore!" type of thing. We had a child together and it was like, that was the end of the need for sex.

OP posts:

SmileEachDay · 17/02/2017 22:02

Why do you think he doesn't want sex?

Notrevealingmyidentity · 17/02/2017 22:03

That's quite sad. Have you sat and talked about it neutrally without it being abou instigating sex and really laid it on the line that it's a deal breaker for you ? (I'm assuming it is) because if you haven't that would be my advice for what to do next.

Flip