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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Any else growing/grown apart from DH?

29 replies

Thewikileak · 17/02/2017 14:13

I have been with my DH for 15 years, married for 9, one child. We are both in our 40's, both work, him more hours than me.

We have become a bit disconnected over the last few years. I seem happy watching TV/Reading while he likes to do his own thing including going for walks/runs. We just don't spend much time together any longer and I think I am as much to blame as him for this.

Alongside this has come less intimicy.

He brought it up and said he is unhappy and if things don't improve then perhaps we should split up as life is short and we should both be happy. I think he is unhappier than me by the sounds of it as I have been relatively happy ticking along. Maybe that's my problem? I don't want much in life and like a nice simple lifestyle whilst he is clearly bored of the mundaneness of it all.

I know people will say OW from reading threads on here but I don't think it is that. He is open with me, is never secretive with phone etc and i asked him this. He said no. He loves me and doesn't want anyone else but he doesn't want this as he calls it "repetitive dull" existence any longer.

Any ideas about how to work towards making it better? I'm not sure I am what he wants any more.

OP posts:

Minime85 · 18/02/2017 11:37

You have to both be singing from same song sheet in terms of wanting to make it work. I have been there when only one sided and it doesn't work. I'm divorced now. But it doesn't have to be that way. A serious sit down about what you both want from the marriage and need sounds like the first point of call

Dadaist · 18/02/2017 12:30

If you have become platonic then I think it's more about your general levels of affection, intimacy and sex life really isn't it. Were you just expecting to carry on in a sexless marriage? Yes - it's not up to you to 'think of things' to stop him walking out - but I think it is ok for him to want intimacy. Would that be where your problem is OP?

Triskel · 18/02/2017 16:41

It's good that he has given you a 'heads up' - if you want the marriage to last I think you will both need to work to find things to do together.

However I agree that his comments suggest more than he says. He may not be having an affair, but herebisba goodnchance he has noticed someone else who appears to be the things he criticises in you. These kinds of remarks are typical of someone whose eyes are starting to roam and who is trying to justify his behaviour to himself.

Time to sit up and take some kind of action, I think.

ivykaty44 · 18/02/2017 17:03

What has your do done to overcome the repetitive dull? What has your do suggested to add something different into both your lives?

Yes it is good he has brought this to your attention, but what are his ideas for making change?

Has he suggested anything that you may do together? New challenges, hobbies? Things for you to do to reconnect?

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