Just given birth don't want people coming round

[Ladybird1979]

I know i should like a miserable selfish person. Had my little girl Sunday morning. I've got lovely friends. Understandably they want to meet her.

I've got 2nd degree tearing and she's not sleeping well. She breast feeds all the time and I'm so sore.

I love my friends but right now I don't want them here. I want to wait till I can move about. Breast feed without crying in pain and feel like my house isn't a tip.

I think I've upset my best friend today by asking her to not come today and anther good friend wants to come tonight with a gift. I just don't feel ready. What's wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you.stick to your guns.i wish I had....I had my in laws turn up in hospital on the ward within 2 hours of giving birth.every time I moved I left a red trail in front of them...no idea they were coming,no idea why I wasn't asked if I wanted them there....so yeah stick to yr guns.

She's only 4 days old, mine was 2 weeks + before any one met her. Don't be hard on yourself, you're entitled to privacy.

People come and see you and DC when you're ready for them, if they don't like that then it's their problem not yours.

I had a no visitors rule (apart from grandparents - but even that was kept short) for 2 weeks. Nobody got annoyed. It's such a huge time for you getting used to a huge change and getting to know your baby. Put yourself first.

Oh, and congratulations!

Congratulations!!

And don't worry about not having friends round until you're ready. Real friends will completely understand.

It took me until baby number 3 before I had the courage to ask people to stay away until invited. I wish I had managed that with my first. I would have benefited so much from that time. Stick to your guns!

I had a c section with my first and was still living with my parents who were looking after me completely when I got home! So I sat on the sofa and was completely waited on hand and foot AND I was bottle feeding. So I loved people coming to worship me for the beautiful human I had created .

Second time I had a natural labour and second degree tear and stitching and trying to figure out how to breastfeed and look after a toddler and keep a house tidy enough not to attract social services. I didn't want anyone except my parents and siblings round for a good few weeks. And when people did come round after, I mostly cried at them then handed them the baby while I quickly had a much needed shower or threw all the dirty clothes in the wash.

Do what is comfortable for you! I know I really upset my cousin when I didn't want her and my auntie coming straight away. But it's not about them.

I would recommend not staying visitor free for too long as people tend to bring biscuits and love holding children or making tea and adult conversation is lovely.. But until you are ready, then don't let anyone make you feel bad for it!

Congratulations on your little blessing xx

You don't have to have anyone round until you are ready. Stop worrying about everyone else's feelings and put yours first. Real friends will understand and not make it all about them. This is crucial family bonding time that you'll never get back. I think it's quite cheeky when people start trying to impose right away when you're only just home and trying to recover.

Thank you can't help but feel like I'm shunning people but got 2nd degree tearing and even going for a wee is traumatic without making cups of te a for guests

Your choice but be careful of the after effects.

It's getting very common to exclude visitors now for weeks and then people get upset when they are ready and nobody jumps on command.

Real friends don't expect drinks or a clean house.

Just send a nice message to say you are grateful they are excited for you, but that you're feeling very delicate and will let them know when you are up to it.

How are you doing otherwise? Have you spoken to MW or HV about how you're feeling? Have your stitches been healing or do they feel like they might be infected - they can have a look and sort ABs if needed.

Nothing wrong with you at all. If they're friends they'll understand. You'll feel up to it in a few days.

Dh got bis brothers around at 9am the morning after we got home from hospital . MIL was more sensible, having had babies herself and all that, and made it clear she wasn't coming until we were ready for her.