Mr unromantic

[Msqueen33]

I've been with my husband about 15 years now. Both late 30s with three kids from 9-4. Two have Sen. Life is stressful. My dh works long hours and I'm a sahm because the kids don't cope with childcare. My dh is in no way romantic. He's happy to go out and get me say a bar of chocolate at 9pm but he's not romantic at all. No anniversary, birthday or Christmas gifts. One year not even Mother's Day cards. He brought me a spa day one year on a voucher but I suspect it hadn't required much thought as I'm not a huge spa person tho I appreciated the effort. My mum finds his lack of romance frankly appalling. They don't have the greatest relationship so I try not to discuss it with her. But should I expect him to be a bit more romantic? I try with him but he seems very unbothered by it all. We seem to rub along though he says he loves me. He had very little in the way of relationships when we met (I'd come out of a long term relationship where my oh had ended it so wasn't in a good place). To be honest I've given up asking and I suppose just settled as he will either be defensive (long work hours etc) or he'll say okay and it won't change. Does anyone else have an unromantic partner and how do you feel about it?

Exactly, we all have different ideas of what romantic is. I'm just wondering if the OP's mum making her feel her husband is very unromantic, based on the mum's ideas of what that is.

I suppose it's part of a bigger problem for me of feeling unappreciated. I take my mum with a pinch of salt as she's not the most fond of my husband. I'm a sahm not by choice but because we have two children with Sen. Dh has a busy job and when suits uses it as an excuse for being tired but he loves the job even when I said if he wanted to drop down and do something less senior I was happy for him to do it. We don't spend loads and the next rung down wouldn't make too much of a difference money wise. I suppose I'm sick of being taken for granted and him not getting that raising a non verbal four year old is exhausting. The kids got him a personalised key ring for his birthday two months ago. It's still sat on the side. I suppose I'm sick of mediocre. He's only inspired and bothered it feels if it benefits him and whenever I bring up how I feel he makes me feel like I'm being an idiot. I suppose i would just like to feel special again. The odd cup of tea etc.

But why is your mum not fond of him OP, unless she has a personal vendetta against him, I'd guess she has good reason?

I'd find it depressing being with someone who didn't really pay attention to how I was feeling; my needs, my wants, my dreams, my wishes, kind gestures, that's what makes a good relationship, it sounds like he doesn't bother cos he knows you can't go anywhere and are stuck.

Don't stay with him if you feel this won't change, you can co parent and live separately and you can then maybe find a man that is actually devoted to you and not just seeing you as a convenience.

My mum and him are both quite opinionated. My dh is also quite arrogant. He was raised as his mother's favourite son and waited on hand and foot. Stupidly I should have questioned that and it's now showing in any domestic assistance aside from the odd bit of washing up. Even now when she has a new partner (has done for a long time) she asked his opinion. He's used to being adored by her. I wonder if that's where if laziness of doing anything for women comes into play.

He's very self assured and doesn't accept critism well. I'm very low maintence in general but I do like taking the kids new places (new parks etc). I like the odd weekend break with the kids. He's not keen on paying for holidays and is very very careful and although has gotten better money governs our fun. It was our dcs birthday last month so we went to an open amusement park (youngest with Sen does not cope well so I needed somewhere I could take her). He didn't want to even buy a band to go on the rides. She's only 9.

It's the countless times I've explained it and it never changes a damn thing. I get he wants a break but I suppose when he's about I want him to take some of the domestic drudge and let me have a break. Such as put away the ironing I've done. On days out the only person he gets ready is himself and he never remembers that the kids might need their teeth brushed.

I suppose everyone has their own level of romance.
To me being thoughtful, kind and considerate are important.

It must be draining to be with someone who is none of those things, especially if you are.

I don't gave much advice because I think you are what you are.