MIL on the warpath ..... :(

[Crystaltips]

History : * PIL favoured DHs brothers and in the past over various issues have totally abandoned DH and chosen to take sides with the brothers.

• PIL have not recognised my kids birthdays ( the ultimate sin )
• PIL have phoned my parents and said that I am a bad DIL
• PIL are both alcoholics and caused huge family upsets over the past 4 years.

DH finally came to terms that even though blood is thicker than water - that to maintain his pride and sanity that he would accept them ( admittedly on his terms ) rather than constantly seek love and approval - none of which is forthcoming .... He takes the kids to visit every two month ....

Now the shit has hit the fan ..... MIL called to see whether ALL of us could go for Sunday lunch .....

This is somehting that I personaaly really cannot handle - after all the betrayal I could never forgive either of them for treating DH so diabolically
I have not seen them for 2 years and my life is so much easier without them ....
Please help

cant he decide? what does he say?

message withdrawn

id keep out of ut and let him decide

I have every intention of "sending" DH and the kids why should I deny them the contact ( if that's what they want ) .... it's just I loathe the PILs with a vengence. I know that I SHOULD be bigger than this - but I really cannot cope with facing them.

I know.

crystaltips - life is too short to have the diabolical in-laws making your life stressful. send off the husband and kids, and have a day to yourself. there is NO reason why you need to have a relationship with them, it is your dh and children who they are related to, and who (arguably) should keep up some sort of contact if they feel up to it, not you!

Have had similar problems with my 'outlaws'! Never really accepted me as part of the family but seemed to tolerate me. To me they were authoritarian, and controlling. They felt that dh should 'take me in hand!' Came to a head over dd christening when they told me that i had to invite my sl who i never see and takes no active part in my childrens lives.
I took the step to break all contact with them. While dh takes children once weekly I haven't visited them once in three years.. It was very difficult initially, but now its great. dh i know feels torn in some ways, but now they can no longer undermine,question or advise me.but
I feel that it was the right decision for me, not to have this pressure in my life. But it has put strain on our relationship on occation.
Think carefully, before you make a decision.

Agree with sobernow and pph, send dh and the kids but don't go if you can help it. Plan a lovely day out or in on your own and don't feel guilty - enjoy it. Does your dh want you to go though? Because that changes things IMO - if my dp wanted me to I think I'd make an effort just to please him. I'd probably try to rearrange the venue to somewhere neutral though.

ooooh - smother my DH in kisses ! ( Just for me )

Told him about MILs "demands" and his reponse was - no way are ANY of us going to lunch as that's far too long to endure ..... BUT he'll take the kids next Saturday morning ( before they get too drunk ) and he said ... "so - what will you do ? "

Love him to bits !

Crystaltips, I have a similar situation with PIL too sozzled to realise what they have done to my DH. They blame BIL for not speaking to them and SIL uses them as a free babysitting service 24/7 which makes them worship her! FIL has just landed himself in hospital through his drinking, wasting NHS time as he was told last year to stop drinking or die. Apparently drink is more appealing than life. I wrote a topic a few months ago about my MIL landing herself in hospital, drink related again and she nearly lost an arm over it. SIL made an ass of herself and DH hasn't spoken to her since. I have decided to refuse to visit FIL in hospital or have ds twins go. They don't care about them, and I never want my sons to feel unwanted by a couple of alcoholics. I also feel the fury over what they put him through.

I would let your DH do what he is planning, he is like my DH, contact but just enough and no more than that!