6+ years and not ready?

[sillywoman12]

Hi everyone. Thanks for reading this it may be a long one but really need some help :( I don't know if I'm being silly and blinded or if I'm being unreasonable and need an eye opening. I admit I walk into things with one eye closed sometimes so guess I've come here to get some advice on if I'm doing it again so I can rectify it. Mums net has been amazing!

My story started in 2010 when I met someone and a year and half later we moved in together while studying for 4 years. In total we were together just over 5 years and we split up (his choice) due to pressures of settling down and disagreements from family. During the years we had an amazing relationship he was there when I needed him and supported me in any way he could but also came bad times..he spoke inappropriately to some girls a few times and each time I'd find out..girls and him claimed nothing happened. We broke up and he moved on to someone else a few months later and then came back to me..I took him back and then he dropped me and went back to her..happened a few times but claim it was because I would always bring up what's happened in arguments everyday. Other girl also kept messaging him and she would persuade him to come back. Now he came back for the 'final' time and says he's realised and knows what he wants and wants to commit but when it came to it he's not saying he's scared at how fast things are going and scared of the first steps. I said if he's not sure then we should go our separate ways because we've been through so much and i need that security. Family problems are all sorted and both sides agree..now the only problem is him and him feeling pressured and forced to all meet up and talk about taking next steps (we come from traditional Asian families) - an i being unreasonable to say we need to commit as it'll give me security and I will not feel on edge ultimately starting fresh in our relationship for us both? If he's not ready now when will he be? He claims we've changed from the year we've been apart and need to know each other again and see how things go..I'm trying to avoid myself getting hurt each time and don't know if I'm walking into getting hurt again. I truly love him from the bottom on my heart so it's a head vs heart battle :(

I'm 24..yeah my family don't like the idea of us sorting things out but they were supportive..this hurts I guess that's all I need to push through it now no choice

Listen to your family's concerns with your head: are their concerns legitimate? If this was a friend, would you think she should pursue a relationship with this guy? Doubt it!

Lots of us have been there.

He picks you up and drops you like a hot potato and gets involved with other women to boot and still you take him back, why would this time be any different, he's only doing what you are letting him away with, which is taking the complete piss, raise your bar girl, cos if this is what you think is good then you really need to get out there and look for a man that can at least respect you.

If it was my friend I'd tell her to run a mile..ahh keep these coming they're giving me the strength  i think he's ready to walk away now as it's become too much for him again

Well then, be your own friend.

All too much for him?!

Make it easy for him, and yourself: YOU walk away, and, unless you live together and need to sort out practicalities, stop all contact.

You need a partner you can rely on: this is not him.

Everything that Prawnofthepatriarchy said. Read it and re read it again and again until it sinks in. You are worth more than a man like that.

You're only 24. Don't waste anymore time on him. You deserve better.

Wish I'd had MN when I was 24!