Narcissistic daughter. How do I help her?

[Fanciedachange17]

She is only 13 and always been an unaffectionate child even as a baby. She is bright and articulate but so cruel with her words. She doesn't really have friends although people like her at first, she is too outspoken and genuinely doesn't seem to care about anyone. She has always been incredibly unkind to her younger sister. Being around her is like having the joy sucked out of life. She is dominating, cross and manipulative. Having said all this, animals love her and I love her more than life itself. I'm just so terribly afraid she is going to have a miserable lonely life. Is there anything I can do to help her care about people? Are narcissist people born or created? Have I let her down in some way? She totally believes I love her sister more than her but I truly don't.

That's a really positive sign so try and cling to that in moments of horror. My dd is exactly the same in school as at home so in addition to home I get 2-8 calls a day from school !

My daughter is an angel at school. Extremely academic and well behaved. That was part of the problem - school saw none of the issues we were having at home which really hindered us getting a diagnosis. Did you see the clip on autism and girls on channel 4 news last night? Will see if I can figure out how to link to it x

www.facebook.com/groups/185070228524321/permalink/391794044518604/

www.channel4.com/news/carrie-grant-on-autism

www.channel4.com/news/girls-affected-by-autism this may work if the other link doesn't x

Narcissists are actually quite rare (although there are a lot of posts about them)

I think that is because there are a lot of armchair diagnosis on MN tbh.

Ruling autism out or in could be helpful to her (having an explanation, rather than having.a label, can be an enourmous relief to young people). Also learning social rules, in the way people with ASD do, could be useful to her in building social relationships (does she want to? Does she feel sad about it?) (don't expect she will just understand how to be kind - just give her clear rules 'this is how you give a compliment. People usually like it if their friends give them a compliment.' 'It is never appropriate to comment on someones appearance unless you are giving them a compliment.' I think that is how you could help her. And being patient and clear when she gets things wrong.

Just seen your comment OP. It has taken 4 years to get a diagnosis - 2 years to get anyone to take us seriously - I had to go private in the end just to get a letter from a psychologist to say my DD may have ASD. It then took another 2 years of being on the waiting list. The team that diagnosed were amazing and quite upset that no one had ever picked up on my daughters difficulties. Girls are so much harder to diagnose as the traditional signs are those exhibited by boys not girls. A diagnosis has changed nothing but has given us an understanding of why she behaves like she does and it's not because we are bad parents. It's also helped her to see that there is a reason why she feels differently and behaves differently to others - it's not that she's a bad person. I've also managed to put her in touch with other girls of a similar age which is helping immensely. Good luck xx