Has anyone gone NC with parent and regretted it?

[littleshoutymouse]

For a bit of background, my DF once again showed himself to be the narcissistic, selfish idiot I've known he is for a while. He has a history of stealing money (from me and my brother's savings as children, from my DM - now divorced from him), cheating (which he justifies as retribution for my mums affair before they were married many years ago), twisting words, imagining himself to be a successful businessman which he isn't (a string of failed businesses including his latest one which is currently falling to pieces).

I went low contact with him about 5 years ago to protect myself as each time something else came out, it hurt like hell.

Things have been good in this time, and I guess I've been letting my guard down gradually and this weekend we went to stay with him and see his new extension and also meet my brothers new 3 week old baby. As soon as we got there it was obvious something was up - it turns out my DF has been siphoning off money into a secret savings account from the joint business he and my brother own 50/50 to the tune of £20,000. Which has paid for his new extension.

My brother always idolised him and never wanted to see his dad in the way I do - and now he has. His heart is breaking, as is mine all over again. They have a 3 week old baby - and now he is looking at finding employment or starting from scratch. He's lost everything.

I'm gutted. Currently considering options - do I go NC? Can I do it? Looking into the future it seems so final and painful. My brother wants nothing more to do with him.

He - typically, as I read more about narcissistic personality types - thinks he's done nothing wrong (he was, after all, just borrowing the money!!!) and said my outpouring of anger and disappointment is making him feel suicidal, which is making me falter to make the final cut. I'm fairly sure that's bull, but it's had the desired effect.

Any help or advice appreciated - did going totally NC help you? I'm worried the guilt will cripple me

If you -don't- have experience of highly abusive parents, you simply don't know. Not adora's fault

But what I do have is sadness and grief for the parents I should have had, that many people do have; parents who love unconditionally, who put their children first, who create stable warm and loving homes, and who give good enough emotional support. What I realised in the process of going NC was not that I was losing my parents, but that I had actually never had them, and so my grief was for something that had never existed but should have.

This.

He is a narc playing a very dangerous guilt trip with you. You have every right to be angry and upset. He has no right at all to manipulate your feelings or reactions with the suicide shite. He should be suicidal for what he's done, not being called out on it. Who the fuck borrows without knowledge or consent twenty grand from their own son, let alone when there is a baby involved. That is theft, fraud and he is a cunt for doing that to his own son and has form for this deviance.

My dad is a horrible narcissistic prick too and I'm NC. You don't have to make any big decisions now op. Your brother can get a court order to force sale and get his money back, something your dad should have thought of before he robbed his own son and grandchild and it's mum.