It's been along time since I posted as I have spent the last 6 months moving house, changing jobs and generally just enjoying social time that hasn't involved much dating. Prior to that I had a 6 year shit storm of a relationship that ended badly....
Fast forward to end of 2016. I decided to try out tinder again. I wasn't really sure what I wanted, except to chat, maybe date, and dip a pinky toe in the muddy waters again.
As the story goes, I met one guy who caught my attention. Totally not my type usually, but an open, honest, upfront guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I've learnt in the last 6 years to be guarded, to not let anyone too close too quickly and to just take things as they come, but he's the type of guy who is emotional and pushed for me to open up. So I do, just a smudge whilst happily ticking along, enjoying the situation for what it is. He's now going through selling the house he owned with his ex (split October), she's trying to take him for everything and whilst he's over her, he's pretty cut up about that as he had always trusted her. I was upfront and said I felt he still had things to deal with before he could even think about committing to the potential of something else. He disagreed wholeheartedly.
Then after my frank conversation with him, a week later he drops the bombshell I had told him that would hit him. He doesn't feel emotionally and mentally ok to be able to give me 100% and he really wants to, but just needs to sort his previous personal life first. It has 'nothing to do with how he feels for me' at all either.
He's aware I'm livid and he's unreservedly apologetic and has taken it on the chin. I have two thoughts and I'm totally torn. He's letting me down gently (and I have given him every opportunity to do so without making it messy) or he's genuine and given his character his head really is a mess. We spoke in length in person and he reiterated time and time again that it's just a case of right situation, wrong timing. I have told him I agree he needs to take time for himself, to sort his situation and to actually mend and that I care enough to give him the space to do so, but that I can't promise I will be there at the end of it. Unless there is clarity on this picking back up once he's ready, I wait for no one. I will however be there as a support if and when he needs it, but other than that I am maintaining my distance.
My question is, am I doing the right thing? Is there such a thing as wrong timing or should feelings override that? My argument is if it's so right, would he really just let it slip through his hands? But if he does need to see I'm not going to do what his ex does (and he's already told me he's terrified of that and it's scaring him off a little) an I pushing him away? Or am I focusing on the wrong bits and need a slap back to reality?
I'm torn and feel no clarity on the situation except to label him as 'off limits' for now... any advice on best how to view this or deal with it?