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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Couple have made my life difficult after I turned down a threesome. How to explain to others?

61 replies

Ffsishowifeelabouteverything · 12/02/2017 16:15

Where I live there is a very well regarded couple: funny, great jobs, lovely DC, wealthy, good looking, influential, do loads for the community. When i was with my exP, we were 15 years younger but they and other people took us under their wing. I used to be great friends with the wife back when I was with my exP too, but around the time that we broke up, everything went wrong.

I was in quite a vulnerable position when I broke up with my ex as he was borderline abusive. I was alone with not much money and I confided in this woman and she made sure that I was included in various things where we live and with all of mine and exP's mutual friends.

During an event at her house she told me to come up to their bedroom which they'd recently renovated so I could see what they'd done with it. They had a new bed and she told me to try it out. I thought that was a bit weird but maybe she was just having a laugh and we were very good friends so lay down on it together on top of the duvet and I was saying how comfortable it was and we were chatting about general stuff.

Next thing I know her husband comes in and lays down next to us. I got up, feeling it was slightly awkward and said I would go back outside. They both got annoyed with me and told me to "relax" and pulled me back down. So I very awkwardly stayed on the bed with them with her husband hugging me and running his hand on my arm until they started kissing and began to take each other's clothes off. When I tried to leave again they gave me the impression that I had somehow led them on which I hadn't. It was very much a "you have to go ahead with this now because you've got us excited." I inmediately made my excuses and left to go back outside to the other guests.

At the time I was very confused and naive and just thought they were very highly sexed and I had accidentally been in the wrong place, wrong time, but looking back now I see exactly what it was - at the very least they were trying to get me to have sex with him and at the most, they wanted a threesome.

Well since then they stopped speaking to me. Completely. They also told other people that we know that they no longer spoke to me. No reason why but they are giving the impression that it is something I have done but because they are "discreet" and good people they are not saying.

This has caused a huge amount of problems for me in friendships and work relationships. It means I get excluded from events in the town, I find it hard to make friends and - because here your employment is very much wrapped up in what you do socially as it's a market town - it has affected my work. They have massively affected my life.

It has got to the point that I am extremely tempted to tell people what happened, but I'm not sure how to do it. It sounds so far-fetched, inappropriate and ludicrous as no one would ever think that of them. People actually say to me "why does X dislike you so much?" I would like to be able to have an answer that I could tell people from my closest friends to potential employers.

What should I say?

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 12/02/2017 17:29

No need to be ageist about it. The OP doesn't say they were OAPs and even if they were, so what? It's not their age that's the problem here.

SouthernNorthernGirl · 12/02/2017 17:31

Furry has it. No drama or awkwardness for the person that asked you, and it explains it perfectly without the need for people to decide whether to believe you or not.

wherearemymarbles · 12/02/2017 17:38

I doubt it was a first time for them. In your shoes i would google swingers sites

Once you find some You can probably search without paying etc and see if you can find them. But I do suspect people will be less surprised than you might think. Being well to do doesnt mean you cant have sexual fetishes

OuchLegoHurts · 12/02/2017 17:39

AnyFucker Grin Grin Grin

AristotlesTrousers · 12/02/2017 17:57

I'd go with possum's advice myself.

Tinkerbec · 12/02/2017 18:27

Haha AF missed your post.

Totally agree!

intheknickersoftime · 12/02/2017 18:32

I'm not surprised you're angry. It's sexual assault isn't it? Bloody report mthe fuckers to the police.

Joysmum · 12/02/2017 18:51

furry has a great way of wording it.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 12/02/2017 19:09

It's the potential employers bit that's my favourite.
"My salary expectations are £24-26K and by the way Myrtle and Eric from 73 Elm Drive tried to have a threesome with me."

PushingThru · 12/02/2017 19:35

How the hell are they affecting your employment prospects? Where is this place?

Ffsishowifeelabouteverything · 12/02/2017 21:04

It's in subtle ways pushingthrough we are an agricultural community. The people who own the farms, the big houses and the land have subtle power over the employers in the town. It's not that they go out of their way to appear to dislike me, but I have been told by an employer that she (threesome ex-friend) visibly and deliberately flinched when my name was mentioned. Employer asked her what the problem is and friend said "Ugh. I hate gossiping and don't make it a habit to talk about people, but let's just say we're not fans."

OP posts:
FurryLittleTwerp · 12/02/2017 22:13

They're most likely afraid of rocking the status quo. No-one really wants to live in a Mediaeval feudal society.

You say your parents are still local - could you talk to the about it?

FurryLittleTwerp · 12/02/2017 22:14

*them not the

You could move - what's the worst that could happen?

I'd bloody drop them in it - I would. I bloody would, even if I had to move.

AddToBasket · 12/02/2017 22:18

Don't tell people unless you really want it known everywhere. And yes, some people won't believe it.

But this all sounds very odd. What line of work are you in?

Jaysis · 12/02/2017 23:49

you start responding to questions about their cold-shouldering with something like, 'I'm not into their particular hobby'

^^ This. Anyone that knows them, will know exactly what you are talking about. Anyone who doesn't, will be smart enough to know that there is another side to this.

Mintychoc1 · 12/02/2017 23:52

I would tell friends the truth. Acquaintances - if I didn't want to go into details - I'd say the husband made a pass at me, I rejected him, his wife caught him, and now they don't speak to me.

ijustwannadance · 13/02/2017 00:03

If anyone asks why they hate you, simply tell them it's because you turned down their proposition.

Or that they wanted a threesome and you didn't.

Butterymuffin · 13/02/2017 00:12

Tell the truth. You don't have much to lose by it, if they've affected your life to this extent. They, however, do.

Is there a rival Alpha couple in town you could 'confide in' and get onside? (Sort of tactics from The Wire Smile)

Koalafications · 13/02/2017 00:21

If anyone asks you could say "Oh gosh, I'm not sure I'd like to embarrass them by telling you. Let's just say, they asked me to do something that was incredibly inappropriate and I think they took offence to that"

ExplodedCloud · 13/02/2017 00:22

I think I'd go with "Ah yes. I turned down an offer and they took it badly. All a bit awkward".

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 13/02/2017 00:23

They weren't happy when I rejected their proposition.

kissmethere · 13/02/2017 01:53

I'd be pretty fucking angry about this so it's time to say something. You haven't done anything wrong they've taken your rejection badly and want you shunned.
Time to bring them down a peg or two. Ok

kissmethere · 13/02/2017 01:54

Didn't mean to type Ok at the end there...

CaoNiMa · 13/02/2017 06:38

You certainly shouldn't leave the town, OP. What a bizarre suggestion! You don't needto uproot your life just because two randy feckers tried to pressure you into a threesome.

Crumbs1 · 13/02/2017 06:45

This is t serious is it.? Where on earth has liberal attitudes and group sex happening all over the place? Is it Amsterdam?

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