How to rebuild my life?

[mselastic]

I have raised my sons alone- with no help for 20 years- and they have left home but back for holidays and weekends.

It has hit home that I have nobody to go on holiday with! Or nobody to call if things go wrong (I used to rent and now own very small flat)
I know I have my sons- but I would like a partner/friends.

The problem is that I am from a very dysfunctional family and abusive family so have never been able to make friends easily. Deep down I have that belief I am worthless, boring and I find it difficult to set boundaries.

I have changed career- got my first ever mortgage on tiny flat so I am taking very positive steps. I have been part of a walking group for 6 months.

I am a quiet person and an intovert too.

Hos do I rebuild my life? My sons are following their dreams - they know i spend all weekend alone- how can i change my life? The real issue is me- I struggle trusting people and feel i have nothing to offer.

I do have one friend I meet up with regularly we met through work.

"The real issue is me- I struggle trusting people and feel I have nothing to offer".

Your real issue here is your abusive family, they did that lot of damage to you. I would try and find a therapist to talk about them; they are the ones responsible for your lack of self worth because they drummed that belief into you. BACP are good and do not charge the earth. Work on making you healthier on the inside; love your own self for a change. Counsellors though are like shoes, you need to find someone who fits in with your own approach. Therefore the first person you see may not be the right one.

It is not your fault this happened to you; the fault lies entirely with these people who abused you. You may want to read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward.

There are companies out there who offer holidays for single people as well. Going online would help you find these.

I think you have already made significant progress, keep moving forward. Are there any evening classes, ramblers associations, church groups, WIs in your area?. I would look at all of these as well. Even going to a local coffee shop on the weekend would get you outside.

Have you tried more groups? The Meetup groups are a good way of meeting people, especially something like a book club where you have a book to talk about and you don't have to worry so much about making "free-range" conversation with a group of strangers!

OP if there is a hobby you like then you can join a group and they do organised holidays.
Walking, bird watching, the arts... can you go to local library? Find a book club?..

Of course you're not worthless. Apart from anything else, you've raised two sons who are following their dreams....that's an immense achievement.
It's your time now Op ...embrace it....don't be scared....

Thank you.

My confidence and esteem has fallen massively lately. My manager in work said if i dont work fast enough I will be sacked.

I was given new responsibilities last week- no training/support or guidance about what to do and when it needs doing. I changed career so am really doubting myself.

In work i feel paranoid and finding it difficult to make decisions.

I haven't got th energy with a full time job and huge commute to think about new groups yet- but I do need to think of something which is cheap//free.