why do people want to get married

[juswonderin]

Looks like most marriage are unhappy. What's the point of marriage? For kids? Why can't they be raised to be happy, healthy adults by single unmarried parents? Do you think when kids grow up (next 20-30 years), marriage will be as important in society as it is now?
I am just very fed up with my own problems and was wondering what's the point? I was a happy person once. Sorry for the rant.

[KERALA1]

I agree with smiling I don't think that cohabitees should be given more rights. If they want those rights they can get married. People should be able to live with each other without that meaning the other one can make claims. Also surely unworkable where would you draw the line? Live together 2 years? 5 years? What if they split up and get back together? Legal headache.

[Wallywobbles]

Newly married here so
1 we love each other
2 financial reasons - tax I'm a high rate payer he's not, the reduced tax by being more people in the household is more than the difference ifyswim
3 more financial reasons - inheritance 2+2 kids. More tax to paid if unmarried
4 house - right to stay in it with all kids if one of us dies
5 next of kin

Both been married before so going in with eyes open and a prenup. Also in France so a bit different.

[AllTheBabies]

Me and dp (who I love very much but am perfectly happy being not married to) are getting married because I am earning a lot less than him while we have small children and currently our house is all in his name. So if he decided to bugger off/I wanted to leave I'd be pretty screwed.

Not the most romantic of reasons!

[dudsville]

I've been married. I married my childhood sweetheart. We married mid 20's. Relationship steadily declined. Divorce was such a hurdle. Never again. I'm now in a loving stable relationship. We have wills and shared house deeds.

[bittapitta]

I think you should get married if either of you is a SAHP as it covers your back for loss of earning if you break up. If you're not married there is no obligation to split the house in half etc. Your working DP can up and leave any time, leaving you in the shit. Legally.

It's also stronger than a will for next of kin and ensuring the children are cared for by the right person at your death.

It doesn't have to be romantic, unfortunately the law in the UK still heavily favours a marriage certificate for lots of things. It is worth the paper it's written on.

[bittapitta]

crumbs you don't have to say any of that bollocks at a register office marriage ceremony. No honour and obey crap. Just the basics "do you agree to marry" "I do" (well a bit more official but you get the idea)

[PuellaEstCornelia]

Each to their own. But most marriages aren't unhappy. Bit of conformation bias going on there!

[SallyGinnamon]

Marriage was a non negotiable for me. I knew that I wanted children and I wasn't prepared to have them without the commitment of being married.

I was upfront with (now) DH when we met. If he wasn't the marrying kind, I wasn't the girl for him!

I come from a long line of successful marriages (one divorce but they married v young because pregnant and both had successful second marriages).

To me it meant that he was serious about our relationship and was prepared to make a legal commitment. We've had a joint account since marriage. For a time DH was a SAHD and afterwards I was a SAHM. I looked after household stuff so that DH could forge ahead in his career; I've proofread and edited reports and documents and been a sounding board throughout. Now, as his wife I automatically inherit (though we have wills too) and I would be entitled to a share of his pension should he have a mid life crisis.

For me it was a practical requirement as much as a romantic one.

[Phantommagic]

I think the experience you have of the people around you makes a huge difference. I've been married for 17 years. All my friends are the same. My parents and extended family are all married and together. Majority of my colleagues are all long term married. I know very few people who have divorced across different generations so to me I don't see marriage as unhappy or problematic.

[user1483972886]

For all the reasons given above.
For the unromantic you are insane if you have children with someone and don't get married. This is a disaster for women. Where we live (especially among lower income families) unmarried parents is very common. Of the 11 families using our nursery only 2 were married. Many women have an incorrect belief about some common law wife shit will protect them. This is a myth. There is no such thing.
Stand up for yourself. Get married or don't have kids.

[FinallyHere]

For everyone referring to the 'security' of being married, please remember that this is only really relevant if one of the partners to the marriage earns/owns less than the other. In this case, while marriage provides 'security' for the less well off partner, it is clearly a risk for the other partner.

If one of you will be dependent on the other, for childrearing, then that security is one very good way to protect yourself and your children.

[SaorAlbaGuBrath]

I got married and he turned into an abuser. Took way longer to get rid of him and it meant he was able to drag me and DS1 through a lengthy and stressful custody battle which he never had any intention of sticking to, it was just another stick to beat me with.
DP and I have been happily unmarried for many years, however we will do a quick registry office job at some point to make leaving assets easier and ensuring that the legal side of everything is covered. A whole "wedding day" is my idea of hell, his too, so it'll literally be a paperwork thing.

[ArriettyClock1]

Looks like most marriage are unhappy.

Not in my world. All of my married friends (and we only know 2 couples out of dozens of friends that aren't married) are very happily married.

[BreatheDeep]

It's not the marriage that makes a relationship unhappy, it's the relationship. If you're in a miserable marriage you'd still be miserable in the relationship without the marriage.

Yes it's harder to get out of a marriage but it's not what makes the relationship unhappy.

I'm in a perfectly happy marriage by the way. And I personally don't find our marriage hard work either. The children on the other hand....

[user1483972886]

Where we are most women with kids are SAHMS so are dependent on partners. Several I know have to ask their chap for Pocket money. Pathetic. This is not the 1890s. Mortgage is in chap's name etc. If anything happens to the relationship they will be homeless and on benefits. I have no clue why anyone would think this is a good idea. A friend of mine is in this situation and her Dp does not want to get married because it is ' too expensive' uhuh. ;-).

[christmaswreaths]

Dh and I married because we loved each other, nothing to do with legal protection.

Legal protection wouldn't have been that necessary in our case anyway, as we entered the marriage with the same assets, earned always pretty much the same and our children would have shared parenting no matter what.

If things went pear-shaped with Dh I can't see me ever getting married again, I think Dh was a one off for me. Partners yes, marriage no.

[christmaswreaths]

Ps I keep hearing this thing about marriage being hard work and I don't find that at all. It is definitely the children who are hard work, bot us as a couple. I find my Dh incredibly easy to live with, but as I said I think he us a one off

[Riversleep]

I agree, its not marriage that makes an unhappy relationship, but the people. Cohabiting relationships with children are just as likely (I think slightly more) likely to end than married ones. I do strongly disagree with cohabiting relationships being given the same rights as married couples though. I never intend to marry again if my DH ran off with someone or died. If by cohabiting with someone for a few years meant they would get half my home and half my pension if I died instead of my children, no way would I live with someone either. You should actively choose to share your assets not get them by default. I agree there should be straight civil partnerships for those who want them.

[AuntieStella]

Because we thought it was the right thing to do.

Because I did not want to rule out the possibility of being a SAHM or reducing to part-time, (and there was no way I was going to take a career/income/pension hit without a legally binding contract that would entitle me to a share of family assets.

Because back then not all pensions paid out to non-marital partners (still don't btw, so something to check if not married)

[Riversleep]

And I hardly know any cohabiting couples either, and I lived in a pretty trendy part of London until very recently.

[Crumbs1]

Bittapitta - I think if you re read I said love and honour. Didn't mention obey. To call someone else's beliefs crap quite frankly rude and probably breaches equality legislation- if not then certainly not in spirit of legislation and disrespectful of others religions. It's offensive to many who do have a faith.
You can indeed marry in a registry office, hotel or museum in terms of a civil ceremony that affords financial protection. For many (myself included) marriage is a whole lot more than that. I would not consider myself properly married without having had a church wedding.

[Riversleep]

Auntie you are right. There is a case going through the courts at the moment of a woman who's long term partner died suddenly was not entitled to his pension because he didn't nominate her as the beneficiary. They were together 10 years. If you are not married, there are a lot of things you actively have to do. Lots of people don't bother, or don't do it for some reason.

[Offred]

I got married because I was a single mother on benefits with two young children (3 and 2) when I met h. When we wanted to live together I wasn't prepared for either of us to be exposed to risks associated with not being married. Particularly re my older dc who have known him as step dad but as their involved father (xp was abusive and crap father).

We had twins - marriage went wrong.

We separated over three years ago now. We will likely stay married and separated until twins are no longer financially dependent.

We have made agreements re finances i.e. I have agreed not to claim any part of his house, he is paying more in child support in return.

The reasons for being married remain though - dependent dc.

I see marriage and relationship as separate things.

[Offred]

Basically staying married gives h more chance if I die of getting custody of all four dc. It gives me the right to inherit his house to live in with all four dc.

Those reasons will no longer exist when twins become independent.

[wrinkleseverywhere]

Death! Next of kin status, widow's benefits, inheritance, pension makes it all potentially worth it. Similar financial assets so that was less of a concern. Still have separate finances so neither of us can clear out the joint account before disappearing (which has happened to two friends now).
We had tied ourselves as closely together as was possible whilst cohabiting (named DH on birth certificates, nominated on death in service, pension & life insurance forms, house together, wills) but marriage continues to bring benefits.
It has few day to day benefits at all. I do find it easier referring to my "husband" as "boyfriend" seemed a bit odd in my late 30s and "partner" was confusing as I worked in a partnership. I haven't changed my name. We did have a week's honeymoon which was bliss as we left the children (5 & 2 at the time) with the in-laws. And various people kindly gave us some JL vouchers with which we bought a cordless dyson and a great sound bar both of which I get enjoyment from every day.