No sex in a year :-/ Fiance doesn't care.

[stardust88]

When I say "in a year" it is only slightly an exaggeration - I could count the times we had sex last year on one hand, with a finger or two to spare Admittedly I was pregnant and now with a new child but still... This is just one of the now many symptoms of what I see as him not caring anymore.

Part of me doesn't understand why he wants to be in this relationship - apart from the obligation DS brings of course. He has zero interest in sex. Admittedly when we started going out I rejected some of his sexual advances - I was not long out of an abusive relationship and not used to his loving approach of long foreplay and kissing. I would try and tell him gently I wanted a more dynamic, spontaneous intercourse. I feel that now he is either too hurt by that still to even try and approach me, is punishing me by withdrawing completely or else I don't know! He definitely doesn't have an affair as is home with me every weekday from 5:30 pm when he arrives home from works and whole weekends.

He also snores and I asked him to please do something about it as I can't now sleep next to him (previously I would put earplugs in but can't do it with a LO) - his reaction is the same as to everything else I ask him now. He calmly says okay but then does nothing to sort out the problem. So now we not only don't have sex but don't even sleep together/cuddle. I and LO go downstairs so I can get at least some sleep!

Obviously almost all little signs of affection have now pretty much stopped, simple things like making me a cup of tea when he was going to make one for himself or breakfast - nothing. Even though I now always make a point to ask him. He never really says "I love you" anymore (though I have to say he was never the type of guy to say it loads but I used to be able to feel it through his actions), flowers, nights out that is all gone. Some of these things might seem silly in isolation but put all together I feel like we are becoming even less than friends :-/

One of my friends suggested in might be depression - so I spoke to him about it once or twice. Of course he said would look into it and done absolutely nothing.

I just don't know what to do. We got engaged quite quickly and I thought I struck a lottery with a man that used to be so loving and caring and wonderful, our LO was completely planned and half a year after our engagement. Now I start to think I made a terrible mistake but there is no turning back. I feel I've been cheated and can't imagine the rest of my life in a loveless marriage - we only know each other for 2 years AND I am only 28!

Anyone who has been in the same situation that could offer some advice? Please don't say "talk to him" because he will listen but then don't do anything about it

Having a baby tests even the strongest of relationships! He may just be finding it quite hard. Communication is key but sometimes it's hard to open up.

OP it does sound like you are just waiting for him to make the moves on you and because he isn't, you are getting frustrated and annoyed with him. What's wrong with you making him a cup of tea? Or buying him the man-equivalent of flowers or organising a night out? You seem seem to want to be wooed but not to woo him (sorry I know it's a crappy word but not sure what else to use!) Perhaps the man you had an affair with in the past has actually left you with unrealistic relationship expectations as most affairs are fuelled by extreme emotions that are so very different to those in a long term relationship. You have already said you have rejected his advances in the past and that can lower anyone's confidence for instigating sex, perhaps he thinks that he best wait for you to come on to him, and if you're waiting for him too then you'll both be waiting a long time! Also sounds like you are becoming increasingly resentful of each other (you for his snoring, him for what he considers to be undone jobs etc.) and perhaps this is a symptom of your lack of physical relationship and iy sounds like you may end up withdrawing from each other completely. It does take 2 to make it work and and it does sound like he cares (calling to ask how you are, for example) but you don't really mention any little things that you do for him. You might be pleasantly surprised how he reacts if you start making some of the first moves. As PP have said, communication is key.

Sorry - you do offer him cups of tea. I'm kind of skim reading while baby naps and I should be napping too....

I'm guessing by "rejected some of his advances" you are understating the reality. It does sound a lot like you've rejected him endlessly and now rather than deal with the constant rejection and disappointment he simply doesn't bother to initiate at all because it's an easier and less frustrating life.

None of your posts suggest that you initiate things yourself at all - if you have a history of rejecting him and never initiating things it's not surprising he doesn't feel like his advances are welcome. Whatever your reasons for rejecting him that doesn't mean it hurt him any less.

Given that he hasn't left you maybe he's happy to let the sexual side of the relationship go but enjoys the other parts enough that he can live with that.

His behaviour comes across as typical Passive aggressive - your description could be of my stbx. It's soul destroying to be the brunt of this type of behaviour.
It's an unspoken punishment - you blame yourself and make excuses for them. All I can say is I lived with this 'punishment' for 20years - it didn't get any better no matter what I did.

Everything superturnip said. That post is exactly what I was going to say. Do you initiate? Because I think you're going to have to!

Does he feel inferior and not good enough maybe, as it's your house and you earn more than him?

I think you need to either have another talk or write him a letter with your concerns as you've stated here. Make it clear that you aren't happy and you're frustrated with minor improvements or that he says things will change and they don't.

You need to establish if it's a case of different sex drives or if there's an underlying problem.

While I'm not saying he's cheating, there seems to be a view that people can't cheat in the daytime.

Cheaters have said they're going to work and taken time off to meet their AP or they meet up at lunchtime. If a person wants to cheat, they will find a way no matter what.

@superturnip & @westeringhome

You are right I don't really initiate or try to seduce him as... I never had to do that in the past, was quite spoilt I guess, men were always happy to initiate... so when my partner is not trying for close to a year I just assume I'm off putting :( or that I do something wrong.

But had a major development this evening!

I** told him all that I wrote on here in terms of how I feel etc. Writing it all out really helped me gauge how I felt and pinpoint exactly why I can be so resentful of him... He apologised for being critical of my parenting and not being quite present. Put it down to tiredness. I then made a move on him and this resulted in us having sex (!!!!)

So I'm a happy bunny this evening but can't shake off the feeing that this is something he's done to keep me happy for time being and it will all be back to normal soon...

Who does the housework when you both work full time, OP?

Does he contribute fairly to household expenses?

I'm glad you managed to express your concerns, he took them on board and apologised so I hope that helps give you some reassurance that he cares about you. Regarding the sex, please don't think that there's anything wrong with you / what you do, not all men are chasing it all the time and some need a bit of encouragement! Good for you being proactive and getting some results, just try and see it as a positive step rather than putting it down to him trying to pacify you. Don't be a catastrophist like me