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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on contact on dd birthday

28 replies

Littlefrogletx · 09/02/2017 16:35

Hi, I need some advice, my abusive ex is asking to see my DD7 on her birthday.
It is not a contact day, he will be at work all day, doesn't have a set finish time and Intended to take her out for her tea late afternoon, evening.
He is abusive and police were involved various times, he was served a harassment order but still is a clever bastard about everything.
I am in no way comfortable allowing him further into my property than the cul de sac I live on.
He is manipulative with the kids, he has made at least 6 malicious calls to SS, if I refuse to allow him to see her it will probably result in another report.
What on earth should I do?

OP posts:
pineapplesplit · 10/02/2017 02:25

Flowers Flowers Flowers this sounds horrific OP stay strong. It sounds like the SS know hes a liar so dont worry when he calls you a bad mum. You are very right to stick to the contact days for your DD and not let him see her on her actual birthday. He shouldnt be bad mouthing you to your children that is so harmful to them. x

Jenijena · 10/02/2017 02:28

You are not a bad mum. Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 10/02/2017 02:44

Littlefrogletx I am so sorry. He sounds an abusive, selfish shit. Of course he should not see your daughter on her birthday, what a shit way to spend a birthday, a late tea with an abusive dad!

Please keep copies of all texts/emails etc.

"But he swears blind he is not abusive." Well, you know differently so you need to get advice on what to do. Some good advice above from posters.

Please speak to Women's Aid.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

0808 2000 247

My friend has just left her abusive husband and women's aid were really helpful. Her husband can only see the kids when someone else is present to supervise him.

I know it is tough but please put things in place for him not to be able to get access to the kids if it is not safe.

Please, when you can afford to do it. can you get the kids numbers changed, or block his phone. Contact should go through another person or possibly email, not voice messages. That way you have a record of any abusive emails and maybe easier to read an email then listen to the creep's voice.

Explain to the kids you have their best interests at heart and you will sort this all out. Then have faith you will be able to do this.

"The school was involved, they relayed to SS they had no concerns, the child protection officer called me in and spoke to me and said the same.
He told me that they were all lying and it was all part of some covert investigation.
This was all before I blocked him on every avenue other than a separate email address.
He was ringing my neighbours, my parents hiding in the garden, getting his friend to follow me.
I know he is full of shit but he still scares the life out of me.
8 months on I have nightmares, panic attacks and constant intrusive thoughts about him."

I am so sorry this is all shit. I am just wondering if this comes under Coercive Control? I am also wondering if you can get evidence together. Maybe if you spot him hiding in the garden, take a photo of him?

PLEASE first of all speak to Women's aid and see what they recommend.

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