End of a relationship - not mine but feeling gutted all the same.

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

DS aged 18 and his gf have been together nearly a year - were so close and seemed so happy, This is his first serious relationship - they were inseparable, did so much together. He was a lovely boyfriend kind, generous, loving and caring.

She came on holiday with us, met all our friends, was included in everything, we treated her like she was one of our own children.
We heard last night that she cheated on DS with her ex and so quite rightly DS ended the relationship this morning. He's obviously deeply hurt and incredibly sad and we are doing all we can to support him.

I am gutted though - I loved that girl and am sat on my bed crying that she will no longer be part of our family. I know it's right for the relationship to end and as DS said 'it's better to find out now' but it feels like she cheated on us all - I know it's unreasonable but I feel betrayed too. I know she's in a mess and is appealing to us to help her - usually I would but this time ...I can't .....but even so I am worried about her.

Apparently after she spent the day with us on Sunday - she lay in bed in our house with our DS sexting her ex as a prerequisite to the cheating. I'm not minimising my son's hurt but parallel to that is the the pain of others in our family. Our other son, my DP, me, even the dogs. Why would she do this? I'm not even angry with her just bewildered that she could do this when she has been so loved by us all.

Has anyone else experienced this - felt broken hearted over the ending of a child's relationship?

I'm not sure about the letting the dust settle and get back in touch comment!

Yes, people do stupid things - maybe moreso when young.

But she cheated on OP's son. And not some drunken childish moment of unpremeditated madness (not that I like excusing shitty behaviour just because of alcohol)

This girl was sexting when she was with OP's son!

The dust could settle and hell could freeze over before I ever understood my mother staying pally with someone who treated me like shit.

Onemore I felt the same when my DS & his gf from15-18 split up - she had been part of the family & I really missed her. Resolved not to get so close again - which wasn't hard as he went to uni so it was more a problem of getting to know new gfs enough/at all

Love that song BTW - my favourite Dylan album

Thanks ellisandra - that is how I feel. If it had Been a drunken silly mistake I might feel differently but that it was planned - and planned while she was lying in bed with DS seems worse somehow. I don't know why she doesn't just get back with ex (ironically he cheated on her which is why they split up) but for some reason that isn't on the cards and she wants DS back.

ocelot DS is off to uni in September so I guess similarly to your situation we won't be getting as close to any gfs again. This one is/ was rather vulnerable and brought out all my protective maternal qualities.
Oh and yes great song and my favourite Dylan album too!

Glad you're taking a step back from exgf's drama. I guess she's learnt a valuable life lesson about what can happen if you treat others badly.

Impressed by your son not taking it though, or being drawn in by the drama, ambulance calling etc. Well done him for having good boundaries.

Love that song too.

Relationships at that age are very fragile and quite often end, it's life and we've all been there.

It was a year tops so hardly a long time really and I think you were definitely over invested in your son's relationship, all this mourning just sounds overly dramatic OP; perhaps a learning curve for you to not get so involved in his love life, especially at this age.

The fact that she planned it while in bed next to your DS is very cold. Shows a massive lack of empathy. Coupled with the drama llama messages about calling an ambulance, she sounds very manipulative and self-centered.

Obviously it's horrible for your DS to go through, but it sounds like he may actually have dodged a bullet, long term.

You mention that your other DC is also a son, and that you treated her 'like one of our own children' - is there maybe an element of having enjoyed the quasi-mother-daughter relationship with this girl, which makes this feel like more of a personal disappointment? She's let your son down, but she's also let you down in that relationship.

(I get what you mean about the dogs though. How could she let down the dogs! Heartless, utterly heartless...)