Most insane crush I've ever felt :(

[user1486381586]

I don't know why I'm writing this really, I think I just need to get it off my chest and have no one I can talk too.
I am 37 married 2 children a house and a good life. Thought I was happy.
There is a dad of one of my Daughters class friends which for the last few years I have noticed from a far but never really spoken to, I speak to his wife a bit and she is really nice.
But a few months ago when I had to call an engineer out and he turned up, I was kinda taken back when I opened the door and thought OMG its you, it was like something in side me got switched on like I got hit by a bolt of lightning, my heart started racing and I couldn't stop thinking about him when he left.
Since that day i started to see him more and more and hello turned into actual conversations.
The problem is I still can't stop thinking about him from literally the moment I open my eyes until the moment I fall asleep
It's affecting my whole life, when he says hello my heart melts and I'm on such a high but if I see him and he doesn't acknowledge I'm there I feel utterly down to the point I just want to cry.
I'm constantly in a day dream of what I'll say to him when we next meet, i overanalyse everything he says and does and replay all our interactions over and over in my head, I spend ages getting ready to try and look nice in case I see him.
I can't believe I'm even saying this but I have slept with my DH and thought of this man.
I do not have his number but I did open FB messenger and found him and even stared at a blank screen contemplating sending a message but I didn't.
Sometimes I get the impression the feeling is mutual but I don't know and it is driving me insane. Maybe if I knew how he felt I could move on.
I am trying to avoid him at school to turn my feelings off but it's not that easy when I have to drive past his house twice a day and when I see him all those feelings come rushing back.
I feel so stupid and depressed I just want this to end. I'm such a horrible person and I wish I never met him!

I got as far as you talk to his wife.

Grow up op and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

This too shall pass, believe me. I had an all consuming crush once but they do dissipatethank god. Just crack on with your life and maybe get an elastic band around your wrist to snap when you think of him. Works apparently.

Next time you have an imaginary conversation with him make it so he doesn't say nice things back to you. So say you fantasise about telling him your feelings, rather than him returning them imagine him laughing in your face type of thing.

Get some bonding time with your husband as well.

Yes, you do need to just push it to the back of your mind.

If he pops into your head, brush the thought away. Daydream about your own husband. This can never be a good thing. He is married with children and so are you.

Invest in your own marriage. Don't allow thoughts of him to take root. If driving past his house makes you think of him, remember that it's his home that he shares with his wife and their children. His family home.

Crushes can be awful so I do feel for you but let it go and stop feeding it. focus on the man that you do have.

Do you have an addictive personality, OP?

I'm only asking because the way describe your repetitive thought patterns, sound very much as though you do, rather than actually being in love.....iyswim.

I would google "limerence".there will be good advice out there.

Is their a void in your marriage? I think that's what needs addressing

OP, I'll be honest here.
I've been there with a dad at my son's school. The crush was mutual and instead of avoiding each other, we foolishly allowed it to become physical. I stopped it before either of our partners found out but I dread to think of the devastation that we would have left behind if either of our partners had found out. It sounds to me that your crush has the potential to get out of control. Avoid him at all costs.

How are things with your dh? Perhaps you need some date nights and spice things up a bit. It is normal to have crushes. Everyone has them, but you need to think about your dh and how you would feel if it was the other way round.

I've been there, man at school, thinking about him all the time, will I see him, won't I? Didn't help that DH had (still has) lost interest in sex. It lasted about a year and suddenly it just dissipated. I saw him and felt nothing. I felt free, like a weight had lifted.
Your crush will pass, try not to act on it.

I have also been there with a work colleague. Meeting my crush and it went physical. He ended it and I was devastated and I then told my husband which nearly broke him. Leave well alone it's just not worth it.

🍪

This sounds like limerence (google if you aren't familiar or search on here for threads) which quite often is an anxiety displacement issue.

In order to self comfort (whatever the issue is) the person retreats to fantasies of the limerent other. It's like an obsession substituting for a child's security blanket.

It's not real. It will pass but if you are using it as a subconcious emotional crutcht it can take a long time - several months or even years in extreme cases.