1st night without him..

[cantwaitforsummertimeeeeeee]

So I asked my boyf to leave yesterday after another argument

We've been together 2.5 yrs and we've been trying to work through our problems

He is so moody and it's really started to affect our relationship

He works every day and I always try tell him he needs to slow down a bit as we have no work life balance
As a result he's always very tired and he has little quality time for anything
For him or me

This weekend he couldn't get work so I thought right let's make the most of it

He seemed happy enough so we had a family weekend just us three
Me and my lo who's 5

But after him getting into road rage
His mood went down
We got back to mine and just because my friend came over for a couple of hrs he sulked in the garage
Then the next day when I pulled him up on his mood as I left it that day as so sick of leading to another argument
He woke up after having a lay in til 10 and I was up at 630 with lo
I said to him have a nice lay in as he never gets one and an argument started as I started talking to him about something I saw on fb and he started getting irritated So I said what is up with you?!
Then I got I've just woke up 15 mins ago let me wake up properly first then said you and your friend having a chat in the flat when I'm clearing out your garage !! So he WAS in a mood about that
The plan was we were all going to help clear it out but because he was frosty with my friend and rude to my lo we left him to it
My lo was having a look around the garage and he went ' move move move move move ' so I said don't talk to her like that so when he huffed and puffed we left the garage
Anyway I told him I can't cope with these moods and it leaving an atmosphere
I feel lost and empty and I love him and although I asked him to leave
I felt I didn't have any other choice

I'm in love with him and I want it to work but at the same time the last few weeks I've felt very unloved
Like he doesn't want to be here

Just needed to put it all down as since yesterday morning it's been an nightmare

Update

He's been in contact over the weekend and he wants to talk face to face
I didn't give in as I think it would be too painful but agreed for a phone call this morning

He has suggested a holiday and councillling for both of us and asked to come over for a cuddle

I said no to it all

Is this right? My head is saying it is but it hurts

We've left it me saying he has to now leave me alone so I can try re build my life and he said he would
But then has since texted saying he doesn't want to let me go

My friends saying block? Which I've done on what's app and fb as find them more personal than texts

I feel it's too late and I do need to move on but I hope I don't regret giving him one more chance

This is temporary. He will promise you all these things, but how long will it last? What is it teaching your DD? You already gave him a second chance.
If this were your DD's relationship, what would you hope that she did? Would you want her to give him another chance?

I just need to keep hearing it
I know that sounds weak
But I feel I'm hurting today
Think coz I heard his voice and him suggesting those things - which I know won't work - it makes me feel sad

I loved him so much and thought we had a future but your right it won't last..it never does

Just have to stay strong and yes what does it teach my lo

You are strong and you will get there. Make yourself a list of all the good things about your life since you finished it, and if necessary one of how bad things could be with him. Remind yourself how much you have done to ge this far

And to top it off
My ex Boyf has just called
We were very close and she was close to my lo too
She was just calling to make sure I was ok but then started talking and telling me he doesn't talk to her so she doesn't understand what's happened etc
I was honest but diplomatic as I could be bearing in mind it's his mum at the end of the day
She was crying on the phone saying she doesn't know what's happening to her son that he has been angry with her and his sister since us splitting and that she's going to miss us
What with speaking to him already this morning and now her I feel this sick empty feeling in my tummy and I feel so sad
I don't know how to move on
I literally can't shake this sad empty lonely feeling
I feel very over whelmed that it's me that's made this massive decision and affected everyone's life

Update

So been a couple of months

Completely split for good
We've just been sorting some old pics he had on his laptop and we've spoken today

He has basically said in a nut shell he wants to try again
Start afresh, date, get ' us ' back
He said he is less stressed, sorting out his debt, misses me and lo and just wants to start again

What's normal to feel? I feel it's too late
Couple of months ago I would have heard him out
Am I wrong to not want to? Horrible hearing him upset and I am too but suppose I've just blocked it all out and thinking with my head

Any advice would be much appreciated
Feeling pretty rubbish xx

Its interesting what you say about the road rage, my H is horrendous in the car, totally foul mouthed , I feel incredibly tense the whole time and stay silent and then he says "whats up with you" when I say nothing.

Men like him turn the charm on when they realise they are losing their control over you; he will say whatever it takes to reel you in again but his natural default will be to go back to being Mr Angry; it's who he is; you can try again but expect a 90% chance of being exactly where you are now.

So he is not the father of your daughter? And you're not married to him? Why did you begrudge the lie in? You said you didn't, but in your first message you said you'd been up since 6.30 with your daughter and he'd lay in until 10.30. So when you asked him "nice lie in?" You were being sarky with him.

You say he works every day but then you're cross he didn't look after your daughter for you on his morning off?

Obviously there are lots of things going on here and his behaviour sounds bad in lots of ways, but this part of your message makes me think it's a two way street.

But it's over now anyway so attributing blame and dwelling maybe not worthwhile.

Err excuse me you have read that totally wrong?!?!?

I never said have lie in? In a early way-I said when I got up at 630 have a nice lay in as in you deserve it!!?!!! 100%

God I would never begrudge him a lay in when he works so hard?!

Blimey...so most of your post is incorrect as you've totally read that wrong

Sarky not early

But you said you'd been up with your daughter since 6.30 and he'd stayed in bed until 10.30. That wording suggests you were not happy about it.

I'm sorry if you think I've read it incorrectly but that's the implication of what you said.

Thanks adora10 yeah true
Just wanted some advice of people who have maybe been in my situation

Not to pick bones about sarky comments that I didn't even make?!

So thank you

I've ended an abusive relationship and I feel strong and happy ( ish) still find it hard and him being everything I wanted - it's just taken me back a bit and I've come on here for some support
X

Show me potato

Maybe it's how I've worded it but no I was not unhappy the fact he had a lay in honestly
Sorry if I wording was rubbish lol

I was upset by the way he was with me after his sleep
Lay in or not xxx

He knows im happy with him laying in when he can as he's hardly here as he works so much

Sadly that wasn't the issue
Wish it was xx

I read it that you were letting him lie in no problem.

Yeah I think everyone else did as no one else said anything

That's the thing with messaging can come across that way I guess

But if it was that I would have said but definitely not
I was constantly trying to get him to sleep or rest lol xx

I think you need to cut contact with him - he's only going to keep asking you for another start. I'm sure that even if he goes to counselling he will soon revert back to his old ways. You're better off without him by the sounds of it. It's always tempting when someone says they've changed and offers a new start but it really does sound like you made the right decision, I'd stick with it personally

I think stay strong. I think your gut instinct is saying no too x

He's not angry about the lay in, the garage or other twats on the road. He's just angry. Suppressed anger which rears its ugly head if a fucking penguin wrapped blew across the road in front on him.

Suppressed anger is his problem. He needs to sort his head out. He is the only one than can do it. OP can't.

Wrapper! Ugh auto correct.