Doomed to be emotionally anxious forever-Maybe it was too good to be true

[Chickdee63]

My first ever post
I am 41 and live with my two teenage sons, I am now 3 years down the line of escaping from a 17year emotionally abusive relationship. The last year I have tried dating sites. I had 2 kinda on off relationship but both guys came with lots of issues and my anxiety levels about them texting me seeing me were out of control, the second relationship I ended as he was very manipulative and wanted me but didn't want to see me he would text every day to string me along I eventually ended it as I was getting upset at why he would text/call but not want to see me.(ended it in October)
I went back on the dating site and 2 weeks ago I met someone and the spark was instant in those two weeks we have seen each other 4 times, including being out for dinner drinks, called text every day he was even on holiday in Vegas for 6 days out the two weeks and called me and brought me a gift back, in short the way he treats me and speaks to me Iv never had a male partner be so nice and lovely to me!! Then it happened yesterday the anxiety set in, I knew he was working all day but the night before I thought he was a bit distant (gut feeling) I waited on a text from him and had received nothing (feel ridiculous like a teenager) so by 8pm I text asked how his day was he replied it was long and he was shattered I said I'll give u a call he said "I will call you in 5 babe" after 2 hours waiting he never called, I tried to call him but just rang out. My anxiety overcame me and I sent a text saying have I done somthing wrong? Please tell me? If your not interested anymore please have the decency to tell me I really don't want hurt Iv told you that blah blah and went to bed really upset as I thought I'd finally found someone decent, I was awake most of the night racking my brains trying to figure out what I'd done wrong, maybe had too much wine on last date? Maybe shouldn't have stayed over? What have I done now?? In a bid to have some dignity after the texts I sent him etc I deleted his number as a safety measure for me, but I received a text from him this morning: Iv just copied and pasted it:

i babe just really bad day , now heading to work. I really do like you have had issues with ex for last 3 days so head a bit messed up sexy sorry xx

I haven't replied?? Is this a red flag? Do I just give him space? Do I ask him do u want to see me again? I am just anxious it's going to head like the others and I become the chaser and a wreck!! I thinking I will reply I am here if you need someone to talk too??
I now know I have a day of anxiety ahead of me :( thanks in advance

I'll be blunt too. You're not ready to date, and it's really not fair on other people. I hope you will be ready in the future and I wish you the best of luck.

SaltySeaDog72 I completely agree xxx I do like him though :(

Thank you Wellitwouldbenice

That's ok to like him... the hard bit is how to keep your emotions based around your own judgement. It's hard for all most of us. It's a particular challenge for you is all...

@SaltySeaDog72
Yes it's a challenge I am trying to deal with but this is definitely help put thinks a bit more in perspective for me. I do want to see him again but I will need to find the tools I need to manage this and I will work on the over investment xxxx

@DontstepontheMomeRaths

Thanks for the advice my biggest problem is over thinking xxx

I came out of a very unhappy marriage and had a fair few dating disasters to begin with. One chap I completely over shared how I felt emotionally and within a week he'd run a mile 😂

I save it for friends in those early days now.

I think you should stop dating for a while because you sound too intense.
Sort your head space first and then think about dating.

FWIW your instincts were right in that he was indeed drifting off because of 'ex issues'

Yip I think the reason the first guy backed away was oversharing I don't do that now.
Yes I will get my head sorted Iv not text again today so just leaving it just now thanks

I suppose it is like playing games but being light and breezy and fun in the early days and making sure you keep busy and aren't sitting waiting for your phone to go off and replying immediately are good habits imo.

Yip it's totally that xxx

I think it could be a mixture of things.
I know I suffered anxiety after leaving a very abusive relationship BUT when my anxiety became that tummy/backing off feeling it was normally there for a reason! I have never had this feelings when there wasn't a issue/ the man wasn't worth my time (took alot of being messed and a lot of work, therapy on my part to trust myself/my feelings again)
There is a difference between butterflies when first together and that nagging anxiety thats telling you to run/they are backing off.
Sorry OP I agree with the others don't contact him, not even a simple kind message. He knows what you are feeling, if he feels the same he will contact you... don't hold your breath.
This is not something you have done, you are not guilty of anything or any wrong doing.
Quiet frankly I think his message is a excuse!