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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hand hold please!!!

21 replies

BackInBlack78 · 05/02/2017 03:08

Ok so I finally left my bf of 4 years on Friday. I retrieved the last of my items today and have tried to keep busy so I don't text him.

It was right to leave the relationship as he is an alcoholic but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm scared I'm gonna be alone forever and I need my love for him to fade. I realise I sound pathetic, I really do, but I just need someone to tell me that all will be ok and I definitely did the right thing Sad

OP posts:
Coffeegrain · 05/02/2017 03:17

Congratulations on leaving and doing the right thing for you. I think it's natural to feel scared of the future after a break up but see this as a new chapter. Best to go completely no contact. No social media, whatsapp etc.
It gets easier and the love fades. But you've saved yourself a lot of future heartache and best you've done it now Flowers

Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 05/02/2017 03:40

I've got rid of him on social media etc etc or I know I'll effectively 'stalk' him, I can see him using me leaving as an excuse for his next binge drinking session... and I don't want to see any of it Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 18:46

Oh god someone please give me a shake, was about to text him :(

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 07/02/2017 18:48

Delete all means of contact ASAP.

Make a coffee and eat cake. .
BrewCake

Lavinia123 · 07/02/2017 18:51

I think you did theright thing to leave him.

Lavinia123 · 07/02/2017 18:53

I agree with Ilovecaindingle. Cake or Icecream or some muffins and watch Your favorite soap opera.

Chinnygirl · 07/02/2017 19:00

You made the right decision! You're doing great.

You're not going to be alone forever unless you want to. If my butt ugly slightly autistic dad kan find a girlfriend at 63 then.you van find someone too.

Now, since your only going to be single for a while you should make the most of it! See every movie that you want to, paint your flat it your favorite colours, have a drink with your friends as often as you like, do that sport or hobby that you always wanted to do! Enjoy life!

Gingerbreadlass · 07/02/2017 19:05

👸

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/02/2017 19:13

You absolutely did the right thing here in leaving this person. You would have been simply dragged down with him otherwise. He did not put you first; alcohol is first and foremost in his life.

Delete all means of contacting him for your own sake.

The 3cs of alcoholism are that you did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.

pocketsaviour · 07/02/2017 19:26

I can see him using me leaving as an excuse for his next binge drinking session

Yes. He will do. But for an alcoholic, any excuse will do. If you were still with him, he'd be excusing a binge with "I've had a crappy day at work", "someone cut me up in the car", or that old favourite "I've worked really hard and I deserve to let off steam."

Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 19:26

I've deleted his number and had an Oreo hot chocolate... feeling a little calmer...

Ffs he's like a drug. What's wrong with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 19:30

pocketsaviour he doesn't work and has a 6 year old boy to care for, that's what makes his alcoholism worse...

OP posts:
Ilovecaindingle · 07/02/2017 19:32

But remember his alcoholism is no longer your concern. . . Eastenders is on soon - then you can come back to mn. We will still be here keeping you on the straight and narrow. .

Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 19:34

Ooh no I'm not keen on the soaps! I'll be better off switching my Kodi box on and finding a film to watch!

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 07/02/2017 20:31

Oh god, fuck the soaps :D

OK, so his excuse will be "My DS has given me a really hard time today" or "My ex has given me a hard time today" or "I've done really good at this parenting thing today so wahey, I'm falling face first into the booze."

Sound familiar?

Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 20:37

No his usual excuse is a pity party for one once his little boy is in bed, followed by excessive drinking while playing Fifa. Then when he's getting beat (because he's too drunk) he calls random mates until one of them answers and proceeds to talk shite and talk about his 'shit sandwich.

Rinse and repeat.

He got nasty to me on 2 occasions. I left on the 3rd...

OP posts:
Sassypants82 · 07/02/2017 20:44

Is there any risk to the welfare of his son? Does he see his mother?

Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 07/02/2017 20:46

His mother died when he was only 18 months. If I was his mother I would have taken him with me, poor thing :(

OP posts:
Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 17/02/2017 22:30

Ok. Have added to this thread so people have the background... I got a call from the ex earlier asking if I would come round to his for a brew and a chat and to see his little boy. I wanted to see his child and I suppose curiosity got the better of me.

I got round there and he looked drained. He said he's not eating or sleeping and he's lost the best thing that's happened him.

He's admitted he's an alcoholic and will get help. Big change from "I can't see the problem with a couple of drinks on a weekend". He wants me to reconsider our relationship and will do whatever it takes/go through whatever avenues needed to stop this ridiculous drinking.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Rarity75 · 17/02/2017 22:36

Tell him you need to see that he is serious and gets professional help for his drinking. Do not move back until it has been at least several months of sobriety. Are you a mum role model for the little boy? You could ask for visits etc in the meantime. It sounds like you love him but not his behaviour when he is drinking. He needs to change for himself though. As much as you want him too he won't stop drinking if he honestly believes he doesn't have a problem. Good luck not an easy desicion Flowers

Original poster
BackInBlack78 · 17/02/2017 22:51

I do love him but not enough to cope with the dislike I have for him when he's been drinking.

I don't think he'd make access to his boy an issue for him, yes I am a mother figure to him and he's missed me - I've missed him too Sad

There's no danger of me moving in with him, I've had and kept my own flat through our entire relationship.

OP posts:
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