The Single Forever Club

[DaisyDoesIt]

So after being in 4 relationships spanning 14 years, and all of them being deeply unsatisfying in one way or another. I'm making the decision at 30 years old to stay single for good and focus on my DD and businesses.

I've heard it all. "Oh, but you are still young" and "it's not you, it's them" and "you need to work on yourself, so you don't attract the wrong bloke" and, "but you need to love yourself more".

The fact is, I think I'm a lovely, kind hearted person (probably too kind). And I have a lot of respect for myself these days (maybe not so much in my younger years) but I guess you live and learn. The heartache and pain I've suffered by being in these relationships was just not worth the "good times". The endless compromising I've had to do, and after recently dipping my toes back into OLD, I can see that it is rife with game players...

I just don't trust men now. In a way, I'm sad that it has got to this point but I know deep down this is it for me. I'm simply tired. I feel like that the only way I can live my life with clarity, happiness and an intact soul, is to be alone. Does anyone else feel like this? Would love to chat.

Jimmy I feel the pressure to have a 'story' to tell when I meet up with certain friends who are coupled up. I get the feeling they are relieved not to be single at our age. You haven't even got a fuckbuddy is one good line...not said maliciously but even so it made me feel sad when they are all coupled up.
OP I've recently started to think about this more and more. I had a recent date who when I saw him I could sense the disappointment as soon as he saw me...I brought it up with him another time and he apologised and said he knows in a few seconds if it's going to work which is fair enough but My picture looks just like me and I hadn't even opened my mouth. Anyway we have good conversation and will be friends if anything.
Society certainly puts a pressure on you even though I have an active social life...something is missing and I know that missing is a loving partner and ultimately I will never be content without it. It hurts to look at other loved up couples at times..Sometimes I feel I'm heading towards being bitter and I'm so scared that I may become someone I hate.
I'm tired too..this weekend I've stayed in bed...I should have planned something to keep me upbeat...I can't plan something everyday lol.

I was also like to sign up to the single parent, poor, fat and no friends club too.

I used to feel like you.

Then 3 years ago the most wonderful man knocked on my front door one Sunday evening and asked me if I'd like to go for a walk to the shop.

That's the thing, don't be so negative being single doesn't mean your poor and unattractive, that's where people get it wrong and turn it into being a victim. The other comment sounded like she was "saved" from this singledom. I'm fortune enough to be solvent which probably helps, financially I don't need a man, may be that's why I feel more positive about it. It great for people who find that special relationship but a lot of people just settle and are quite miserable. In which case focus on your career and child and the rest will fall into place and if no man comes along your life for years it will probably have been more stable life for you and DD than being with a series of poor choices.

I'm in too. I don't think I will ever trust a man fully again and without that I don't want to get involved. Happy single now after a horrendous divorce dragged out by ex over a 6 year period. Love my girls, love my life and beginning to like me.

I'm in too & happy to be so. I too have opted to focus on my DC & business & feel liberated, actually, that I don't need to bother with men anymore. Most of them are a waste of time. Or, at least, the ones I've been drawn to. Much more rewarding to focus on creating a good life for my little family.

Another vote for the single club here - I'm early 50s and after two fairly long marriages (8 and 16 yrs) I really can't face going through it again. I also just want to spend time concentrating on my kids and my business. As it turns out, I'm much less stressed and much fitter than I was while married (because I have time to look after myself), more financially comfortable and I get to spend my time doing what I want to do without being criticised ... and no TV blaring all night - bliss! Never say never, but I suspect I'll be single for the rest of my life.

I'm in too!

I've had some ok relationships and some rubbish ones..and the obligatory few Romeo and Juliet style, love-at-first-sight whirlwind things (which usually end up being the awful self-destructive ones.. knew I should've read to the end of R&J..) but nothing has been worth sticking with.

I've been single for years quite a while now and am thankful to have the time to concentrate on my kids and career. This might sound a bit selfish but I really enjoy having my evenings to myself, calling all the shots, managing my own finances and not having to worry about factoring someone else's wants and needs in addition to mine and the kids'. I don't want a relationship for the same reason lots of people wouldn't get a puppy - it wouldn't be fair on the puppy as it really wouldn't suit my current lifestyle.

I agree with PP re needing to have a story, though - it's sometimes hard for coupled up people to understand that I'm fine (in the same way that I find it difficult to understand why being in a relationship works for them).

I am also thinking of getting a cat or two..

I too have decided to be single now. Nothing but trouble from the men I choose. I want to get on with my life but unfortunately my exh is not allowing me to due to a very complicated set of circumstances even after 8 years separated ( only managed to get divorce this year). I'm very much stuck in the punishments he is handing out and can't get away from them as he's using the courts. All that aside I feel grateful every day that I'm not having to worry about what their needs are, what to do at the weekend, food, I can leave my washing up until I can be bothered. If I talk with a man it's ok, I can make plans without having to think of will they like it, I don't have to consider anyone but my DS. My money is my money and I spend it (if not on solicitor fees) as I want. I don't have to inform anyone where I'm going, do washing for them, if I put something somewhere it stays there. I don't have someone lying, putting me down, mentally or physically abusing me anymore. I don't feel paranoid, suspicious and I don't have those awful rows or their sulks.
I love being single! I do miss having someone take the bins out and I have to do everything on my own and sometimes miss not having someone to say 'it will be ok WE can figure this out together' but to be fair that rarely happened in a lot of my relationships anyway and I don't miss them enough to go through all the crap that is inevitable. I am jaded and want my current situation to get done with so I can be free and make plans.

I feel your pain... 38 and clearly gonna be single forever!

I was also like to sign up to the single parent, poor, fat and no friends club too.

Who said anything about being a parent? Or anything else, for that matter? The thread is called "The Single Forever Club".

I'll join. Can't see me ever trusting a man again which is sad really as I am, or was a very trusting person, probably how my ex managed to have a 6 month affair without me realising.
I know not all men are like that but I just don't feel like I can risk being so devestated by someone else again, or having my son see me in the state I was in again.
I enjoy being single, I've got a big close family and a few good friends, my son, hobbies, goals I want to reach, I don't see how I would fit anyone in even if I met one of these elusive wonderful men.
The worst thing about it is constantly being asked if I've met anyone yet. I've only been single a year and I'm still healing, I know I'm not ready and I know if I have any hope of having a healthy relationship I need to be in a better place within myself.

I'll join. Been divorced for 4 years now, XH was horrible and I felt completely trapped in my marriage. I did think it was time I got into another relationship and have been on a few dates since the beginning of the year, but I've realised I don't want a man in my life. I'm really happy with what I have with my DCs. I don't want to share my life, my house and my holidays.

BUT...I do miss sex and intimacy so I'm considering to having a friends with benefit relationship. I really want no attachments. This might possibly be something that works for me.

Made same decision at 30. I am 53 now and holding firm to that decision.

BubblingUp how do you feel after that length of time single? I'm worried I will be resentful to all the couples around me? I'm not single through choice but I feel I need to accept that will be my future and I will have to make the best of my situation. I don't want to settle for a rubbish partner and I appreciate I am fortunate compared to others who are in awful or unsatisfing relationships.
I admire those who stay firm to their beliefs...I wish I could be strong. I'm trying to take one day at a time now and to not think too much of the future or past.

Currently in a bad marriage, and finding this thread really inspiring.

Don't think I was ever cut out for a conventional relationship, and won't attempt to have another if I separate from DH. I just don't enjoy a shared domestic life: I'm too private/stubborn/lazy/independent...

Like the idea of lots of male friends and lovers though!