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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

bf has copies of emails from/to dd's father for the 'future'

21 replies

Chocolate1000 · 26/02/2007 22:07

Ok this might sound really 'off the wall' but when I was around my bfs flat once, I failed to log out of my email properly and said bf not only read my emails but copieds some to his own account as he really didn't like what he read (this was stuff re our split-up which was less than amicable). He kept them in case my DD's father comes back in x years time and makes out like we're one big happy family.... and he can take steps....

This only came to light the other week or so. I've natually dumped him for breaching my privacy/trust like this (and learnt a valuable lesson myself: ALWAYS LOG OUT AND CLOSE YOUR BROWSER even with people you think you can trust) but is there any way I can get him to delete the emails -- other than literally standing over him??! And even then that isn't foolproof as he may have made multiple copies.......!!!!

OP posts:

lou33 · 26/02/2007 22:16

take steps?

Original poster

Chocolate1000 · 27/02/2007 06:35

Tell him what he thinks of him presumably

OP posts:

chacha3 · 27/02/2007 06:39

what a nasty man! but cant understand why he would wanna copy them onto his computer!

whiffywarthog · 27/02/2007 09:57

wierd. does this guy have a thing for you?

madamez · 27/02/2007 10:04

It is creepy and annoying but at the same time... were these emails particularly menacing? Were they, for instance, threats to bury you in a shallow grave? Does your now-ex BF have a fondness for crime novels/films/thrillers? Because TBH he could have kept the emails because he was worried about yoru safety and thought they might be evidence if your XP was/is violent.

Understand how annoyed you would be with BF but also understand the possibility that he wasn't just being a nosy control freak.

whiffywarthog · 27/02/2007 10:10

oh sorry - thought bf was best friend. obv it's boyfriend.

where's my head today???

he's a lunatic. well done for dumping him. i'd ask him to delete them, but unfortunately i think there's no way you can be sure. in which case it might be better to never contact him again.

edam · 27/02/2007 10:12

OK, try telling him it's an offence under the Data Protection Act and he could get in to a lot of trouble if he doesn't delete your personal emails if you ask him to. Don't think it really is for a private individual (although not sure) but might worry him into doing what you want.

LucyLemon · 27/02/2007 18:28

I'm a bit confused by this.

Did you have problems in your relationship before this whole privacy issue thing? Was it not simply noseyness followed by concern for yourself ad your dd?

What was in these e-mails? Was it nasty stuff from your ex?

Why are you so very worried about him still having them? What can he really do with them?

Original poster

Chocolate1000 · 27/02/2007 22:29

He can't really do anything with them but it's more annoying than anything else that he copied them without my knowledge. He knows that I had a bit of a shit time with my ex during the split up time but to a certain extent, it's all water under the bridge now - let sleeping dogs lie and all that. I'm not one of these people who like other people getting involved in my quarrels - so even though he wanted/wants to help me in the future, I feel rather prickly about the whole issue.

I don't think he's going to delete them (legal position or no) but hopefully he'll forget about them after a while.... who knows.

OP posts:

Brandyanddietcoke · 28/02/2007 10:23

is he a regular internet user? Some people dont use their accounts much and if they don't log in for 30 days or so, it will close and you won't be able to access the emails. You can hope that in time, this will happen or like you say, he will forget about them.

zookeeper · 28/02/2007 11:47

What a nasty piece of work - if he does surface in the future brandishing the emails it will say more about him than any nastiness between you and dd's father which is in the past and dd will see that.

I would say nothing to him and if he mentions them affect an air of nonchalance and tell him to do his worst. He will then realise that he has no power over you.

anniemac · 28/02/2007 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mateychops · 28/02/2007 12:56

Breach of copyright, I'd guess, but I'm very confused too.

whiffywarthog · 28/02/2007 13:07

are you still in contact with him?

anorak · 28/02/2007 13:16

Can you go round and spill coffee all over his computer?

Bucketsofdynomite · 01/03/2007 10:57

Confused - he thought he was collecting evidence about the state of your previous relationship just in case? But it was already there in your email account, why did he feel he needed to back it up? Very presumptuous to assume responsibility.

DimpledThighs · 01/03/2007 11:00

confused as to what the emails are and who they are from but he has breached your trust and it says a lot about the state of your relationship - you need to discuss the underlying feelings that led to him doing this.

Original poster

Chocolate1000 · 01/03/2007 15:54

haha dimpledthighs you can say that again.

He's refused point blank to delete them regardless of the rights or wrongs of the situation so I'd be banging my head against a brick wall to try and make him. It's made me a hell of a lot more cautious though.

I can only think that he got badly burnt in a previous relationship hence this type of digging around or wants to go around being some sort of saviour to women .

OP posts:

Bucketsofdynomite · 01/03/2007 17:07

But it's nothing to do with him! You've kept them safely this long yourself, does he think you're an idiot?

Original poster

Chocolate1000 · 01/03/2007 20:09

Dimpledthighs - it looks like it. I actually resent someone wanting to 'muscle' in on my arguments past or present - it's the best way to confuse a situation IMHO. It may be with the very best of motives, of looking after 'his woman' but tbh, I don't think I need 'looking after' in that respect. It's done and dusted and he should have been concentrating on ways to make us (DD, myself and him) happy now, not anticipating trouble in the future.... which may not even happen. A lot of people have bad breakups without their Ex P's coming back later on to stir up trouble.... admittedly, I'd kept the emails myself but then I've still got his pics/letters (nice ones)/presents to me as well as my DD may want them one day. They're part of her life story after all although I doubt very much if I'd pass over the emails to her.... why cause her pain to read them?

I know there's more than one way to look at these things but.... I still feel he was out of order to do this and then refuse to delete them even when I asked him. I know not everyone will agree with me.... that's cool

OP posts:

Bucketsofdynomite · 01/03/2007 20:25

I think he sounds a bit of a control freak so you well off without him.

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