Scared to start again

[BackInBlack78]

Hey! I'd really appreciate some advice...

I'm in the process of leaving my alcoholic boyfriend, I'm almost 39 years old (never married, never had children) and have had a procession of fuckwit boyfriends. I feel like a (much older) Bridget Jones but without a Mr Darcy.

Is it bad that I'm terrified at the prospect of another relationship? My confidence is at an all time low and I can't see me wanting to be near a man ever again. I honestly think I'm broken this time

Please tell me I'm not the first to feel like this

You're not the first and you certainly won't be the last. But you do need to think long and hard about why you go for the undesirable sort in your relationships before you start dating again.
Maybe, counselling would help. Or buying some books that deal with the psychology of love. Or maybe, just give yourself permission to not engage in romantic relationships for a year until you've sorted the above out.
This is your life and you deserve a happy, healthy, fulfilled time while you're here. Understanding that is key.

The problem is, they are fine at first - then the undesirable traits start to surface... sometimes it's a long time before I notice them!

Maybe have a look at baggagereclaim.co.uk. It's a blog about relationships - the author is very wise and no nonsense. It can help you to recognise patterns in the partners you choose, and red flags that you might want to look for when you feel ready to start dating again

Thanks for that, I'll have a look and read up - feeling so stupid at the moment