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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner hasn't kissed me for 2 years and no sex either

23 replies

user1486071355 · 02/02/2017 21:55

Sorry...new to this so not sure how it works but hey-ho! I split up from my ex-husband 8 years ago, and 6 years ago met a lovely, kind friendly guy and I moved in with him 4 years ago. I thought it was all fine to start with, but after a year he started to not help with any of the house stuff (I do it all) I have also found that I contribute 2/3rds of all the bills even though he earns more than I do...and then he just seemed to lose interest in me. I did put on weight and went from a size 12 to a 16 and thought that my weight was the cause of him losing interest. We talked about it and he said it did put him off so I went on a diet, started taking more care of myself etc etc...now it seems to have got worse. He says he loves me but he won't kiss me and sex just doesn't happen unless I iniate it and its like its under duress so I don't bother any more. He says that it doesn't matter and it should be enough that we are good friends..... although I see his point ...I just feel I need more. I feel like I am confined to the scrap heap already. My ex-husband was a womaniser and I thought this time I had found someone that just liked me for who I am....but seems that all I am is a housekeeper and someone that pays the bills. He tells me he doesn't want me to leave ....but I have the feeling its for the wrong reasons. Advice please?

OP posts:
Hellmouth · 02/02/2017 21:59

Leave

Checkthisout · 02/02/2017 22:02

As harsh as is sounds.....he loves you but he's not in love with you.

You aren't happy, he's just comfortable...for your sake, leave him

Msqueen33 · 02/02/2017 22:02

You deserve more than this. You've talked to him he's not listening to you. If you can't communicate it's not a relationship. Life is to short. I'd leave.

Pallisers · 02/02/2017 22:04

leave. You'll be fine on your own. You already contribute most of the money, do all of the housework, and don't have sex or any kind of physical affection. That's no way to live. Life is too short.

BumDNC · 02/02/2017 22:05

He's said to you that he sees you as a friend, I think that's clear that he's not intending to be romantic or intimate with you any time soon. Its very unfair of him to expect you to just be ok with that, this should be something you discuss and decide whether that's what you both want.
The fact he's being a twat with money too suggests he's happy with the status quo of having somewhere to live, bills paid and a housekeeper who doesn't give him too much hassle. This isn't an equal partnership and you deserve so much better

Slimmingsnake · 02/02/2017 22:06

Life is to short....your not his meal ticket or housekeeper..leave x

Scarydinosaurs · 02/02/2017 22:09

How has the money thing come about?

It sounds miserable. What makes you want to stay?

tallwivglasses · 02/02/2017 22:10

Hang on, you pay 2/3 of the bills, go all the housework and there's no sex, not even a kiss? He's a cocklodger without a cock. Leave The Bastard.

IneedmoreLemonPledge · 02/02/2017 23:00

He says that it doesn't matter and it should be enough that we are good friends.....

I've got plenty of good friends, and they'd never think of leaving me to do all the housework or shelling out for things unfairly.

So he's not your good friend, he's not your lover, and he's no support. What is he exactly?

AhYerWill · 02/02/2017 23:16

Why are you choosing to stay in this non-relationship with someone that is so blatantly using you? Do you not dream of how good life could be without him dragging you down?

GallivantingWildebeest · 02/02/2017 23:21

He's no friend to you! He's taking you for a ride financially, and you don't even have sex!

What's the point of this relationship?

Time to leave...

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2017 23:24

Do you have any kind of joint account? If you do, I'd withdraw every penny extra that you've paid.

It's so clear that you have to go. He's a complete user. However, you need to look at how you let this happen, so you don't make the same mistake again.

Adory · 02/02/2017 23:35

Congratulations- you have a man child. Horrid situation. It may change briefly upon threats of leaving but a man child is what he is and always will be. Sorry. Been there and done that.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2017 23:41

Partner ?

You have a different definition of that word than I

HannahBanana3 · 03/02/2017 05:58

I think everyone has the right to find and live happy

BastardGoDarkly · 03/02/2017 06:02

Yep, everything they said.

Why would you stay? He sounds a right twat.

ferriswheel · 03/02/2017 06:04

What LemonPledge said.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu · 03/02/2017 06:13

Leave. He using your for bill money and food and board.

LellyMcKelly · 03/02/2017 06:54

Leave. You're just his meal ticket.

ghostwatch · 03/02/2017 06:58

"He's a cocklodger without a cock. Leave The Bastard."

Brilliant ! And exactly this. Your not getting any cock thing from this relationship.

oleoleoleole · 03/02/2017 07:01

Leave

Original poster
user1486071355 · 03/02/2017 19:20

Thanks so much everyone....am about to talk to him about him tonight... I think I knew the answer already....it's just hard when you have one failed relationship and to find that the next one is a totally failure as well. You just wonder at the end of the day if it's you...I've really struggled with my self confidence as my ex husband would just revert to 'you're boring, fat, ugly...etc etc'....thought I had moved past this ...but my 'partner's behaviour has just seemed to reaffirmed this.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 03/02/2017 20:31

He's using you to subsidise his life and chances are he has someone who he does have sex with.

He's probably saving up with the money he should be paying, then when he's got enough, he'll up and leave you.

You need to leave like others have said.

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