Stuck in a marriage I can't get out of.

[Knittedfrog]

Been married 28 years and am completely financially dependent on him. Am looking for work but my earning potential is not very high at all.
He only works about 100 miles away but finds all sorts of excuses not to come home. I can't believe I'm admitting to this but last year he didn't spend a single night at home. In fact he only came home on about 5 separate occasions for a couple of hours each time.
We have one adult child who still lives at home. Still have a mortgage and credit cards. (Not masses of debt).
I feel stuck, he doesn't talk to me or acknowledge any problem. If I try to speak up he twists things back onto me.
I'm so unhappy and feel like he has sucked the life out of me.
Just wanted to write it down really because unless a miracle happens I feel this is it for the future.

You sound desperately unhappy. it might feel impossible but there could be a way out for you. Firstly, do you know if you want to try to make a go of the marriage? And does he, as it takes two to want to make it work.
If not, there are ways out. Contact your local CAB that could put you in touch with appropriate services.
Get counselling to help you with your self esteem and confidence. It'll be a safe space for you to talk, a space just for you, to be completely true to your feelings. If you can't afford it, look up low cost counselling services in your area.
Get support - friends, family start opening up so you are not so alone with this.
Other people have left unhappy marriages so you are not the only one to be where you are and you won't be the last.
As others have said, contact a lawyer. You'll be entitled to assets as you've been married so long. And his behaviour is unreasonable.
This doesn't have to be it for you. It is more lonely to stick in an unhappy relationship than to be on your own.

Don't look to all the things you could or should have done, this is about now and the future. You've had your wake up call and it's time for a change. You are only 46 and I think you will honestly be just fine, I agree with getting your things in order first before addressing it with him is a good plan. There is no desperate rush to discuss it with him immediately, and you have taken really great steps so far. Good luck to you! Keep us updated

OP - a lawyer will tell you what you can expect- but you will have a full entitlement to a share of the family assets which should help put a roof over your head. You just need a regular income from a job and you will be free. It sounds as though you have managed fine without him - and his money can't be worth the appalling heartache he's caused you! Good luck!

Personally I wouldn't do a thing. Get a job, live as a single person. Understand where you stand legally from a reputable lawyer for when you need to make a serious move. Until then enjoy it, you've earned it.

You've got yourself a sugar daddy and you don't realise it :)

noego . That made me smile, I needed that!
I'm going to sit tight and carry on job hunting. From now on it's all about me - I'm determined to feel good about myself again.
You're all amazing and it means so much to feel supported. Thank you.

oh, and keep quiet about it.