Would you tell?

[Dineoutone]

I dated a man who was separated from his wife... allegedly. I ended it a year and a half into it when I said I wanted to marry him and therefore at some point he would need to finalise the divorce. The divorce he said was continually 'about to start.' When I demanded answers and said I wanted to speak to the ex wife, it got messy. He almost turned into a different person. I don't know to this day if he had lied to me all along as I cut him off the moment I felt he was lying to me.

Anyway, fast forward a year and I was happily single and enjoying dating. A month ago I saw this man in a restaurant with a woman (not his wife). They were holding hands over the table. He didn't see me and a week after I saw him food shopping with his wife. (We live nearby).

I have no feelings for this man at all and have absolutely no wish to embark on any relationship or friendship with him. But I cannot shake this feeling that his wife should know his lies. Even when we first met I knew she found him difficult as he would often show me texts (she'd be angry or upset etc), which added to the authenticity of him being separated, but obviously now I realise they may well have been selected messages for my viewing. Either way the woman wasn't happy and he told me she used to tell him she was wasting her life with him because he wouldn't tell her what he wanted...

When I saw them together she looked so sad and whilst I don't hate this man, I feel awful that I know what he is doing to this woman again (probably again as I imagine he was doing it with me).

If I tell I don't want to say I was involved with him. Maybe that is weak. I would want to do it in a way that made he find out on her own.

I have no vested interest in what she would do but I can't stop thinking about it, how she is living a lie.

What would you do?!

Yes. Tell her.

And if you're doing out of decency, be sure to let her know about you too.

How do you tell her, with evidence/proof, without saying that you were involved with him? As you've mentioned not wanting to say you were with him.

If you can find a way, then I'd say do it.

Did you ever go to his house? Meet any friends or family?

Did you go out openly to restaurants etc?

My personal opinion is that a woman who is going to leave/kick out her H whom she suspects of having an affair will do so regardless of proof if she deep down wants to. Just as she will stay, even in the face of proof, if that's what she wants. Proof only really matters when someone is completely unsuspecting and would never believe it of their other half without proof.

In this case I'd say the wife already suspects and has already voiced her unhappiness, she is just in a horrible position where she isn't ready to leave. If it's been so easy for you to bump into him accidentally with yet another conquest, it would be even easier for his wife - if she wanted proof - to uncover his cheating. My guess is that she's still playing the 'pick me' game and trying very hard to get him to change and reassure her rather than thinking he's an unfaithful twat and I'd be better off leaving. Poor woman.

I'd tell her.

We have absolutely no idea what the wife does or does not know already.

A lot of assumptions are being made here.

I would tell. I don't understand not telling. You don't have to engage her in a conversation she may not want, just tell her what you know ams how to contact you if she wants.