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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What options do I have

19 replies

nicebiscuit25 · 01/02/2017 17:14

Been with a guy a year and 6 months he's moved in. everything is amazing but he's just always to tired for sex. it happens once a month most at the moment I've tried dressing up,trying it on with him ,I've tried telling him how I feel but that creates pressure if i do it to much so I've stopped. it dosnt help im constantly crying over it. I love him so much and don't want to loose him but I don't what to waste my late twentys and regret it. We used to have sex once a week and I was ok with that I would of liked it more but we have to compromise on somethings and not everyone is perfect. He works a stressful job and tries to sympathise with me but struggles. he knows it's not happening enough but says what's he meant to do if he's been sleeping all he Can. I really don't want to loose him but I don't want to be stuck

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 01/02/2017 18:17

Bin him off, it's not gonna get any better. After a year you should still be jumping each others' bones every day!

ImperialBlether · 01/02/2017 18:20

What was he like before he moved in? Personally I think moving someone in that quickly will often lead to disaster and I'd be moving him out again pronto!

Ilovecaindingle · 01/02/2017 18:23

Does he unwind from work and have time to do his own thing?

leighdinglady · 01/02/2017 18:24

My DH and I moved in within months of meeting. We had the exact same fight, except in reverse. His sex drive was just so much higher. We've now been together 9 years and it's levelled out and were very happy with our sex life. If you love him, stick with it.

leighdinglady · 01/02/2017 18:52

If also saying crying over it is a massive turn off! I constantly felt bullied and guilted in to sex. Whining is not sexy.

3awesomestars · 01/02/2017 19:37

Can you convince him to see a gp? Loss of libido can be caused by lots of minor medical issues as well as stress, depression and fatigue.

leighdinglady · 01/02/2017 20:03

God I think you need to be careful suggesting there's something wrong with him! Libido varies greatly. Being told there's something wrong with him for not being horny won't make him feel any sexier!
My DH suggested the same to me. Suggested it might be the pill I was on. It wasn't. I've always been the same and just don't want sex several times I week. I'm just not that bothered. Maybe ask him if he's always had the same drive or if it's dropped for some reason

Original poster

nicebiscuit25 · 01/02/2017 20:42

It has dropped he definitely has time to unwind I do majority of the house work and his hours are flexi. I don't cry all the time just on a few occasions mainly because I love him. but can't be like this for ever he's for ever touching my bum boobs turning me on. I do feel like it's me I feel if it was another girl it would be different

OP posts:

Fixatif · 01/02/2017 20:46

Bin him off.

Find a better one. One who'll do his half of the housework, for a start.

Original poster

nicebiscuit25 · 01/02/2017 21:02

I enjoy doing it pluss I get home at 4.30 he gets home at 7.30 so I just like to start dinner get it all out the way I'm a keen cook

OP posts:

rosabug · 02/02/2017 08:40

get out. These things don't change, believe me I know (i'm 55). Your confidence will sink and sink. he's already setting his boundaries and it will stop altogether at some point. this issue is more common than you think.

Joysmum · 02/02/2017 08:57

Have you asked him if he's content to have less sex or wants to look at ways in which things could change so he's more up for it?

I guess everything hinges on whether he sees less sex as a problem and is avoiding the issue, or whether he's ok with it and it's just you who sees it as an issue.

If he's not happy either and doing classic avoidance of the problem then there's still a chance he can change. If he's content then there's less hope of change and you need to ask yourself if less sex than you'd like is a deal breaker.

Original poster

nicebiscuit25 · 02/02/2017 09:41

He claims he sees we should be having it more but I know he got a low sex drive now

OP posts:

Joysmum · 02/02/2017 10:40

There's a big difference to seeing it, and wanting it.

It sounds like he doesn't want it and if that's the case you need to decide if it's a deal breaker for you

Kr1stina · 02/02/2017 10:44

You are not compatible . This won't get better.

Find someone more suited to you.

TheNaze73 · 02/02/2017 10:44

ImperialBlether is spot on. All seems way too quick. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Tenshidarkangel · 02/02/2017 11:02

Just come out of a 6 monther for many reason but especially this one. Difference being my ex would put the blame on me for his lower sex drive and excuses why we couldn't.
In the end it wasn't worth it as much as I cared for the bloke. It had started to knock my confidence and feeling of worth.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/02/2017 11:07

You want more than a nice flatmate don't you? Better to part as friends and not to get to dislike him.

Fwiw don't think 6 months is too soon to move in with someone.

Original poster

nicebiscuit25 · 02/02/2017 11:37

The more I tell him the more pressure he gets i don't no what to pressure him but keeping silent doesn't work either as I end up bottling it all up

OP posts:

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