Thank you note for bad gift

[MochaChica]

How do I thank SIL for a cheap quality gift. I usually appreciate the thought behind a gift more than the actual item but my SIL has been sending one disappointing gift after another. It seems she is sending them because she has to not because she wants to. The last one is joint gift for DH and me. Random bar stuff. I don't drink a lot, and I definitely don't make cocktails. If I don't thank her, it would look rude, plus she will mention it to her brother in a tactful way. I feel frustrated because we spent so much time and effort buying nice presents for her and her family. Last year she gave me shirt from a discount store with slight damage. She doesn't even bother to check the quality. It's not that she can't afford a decent gift. She makes such a show when she gives something, will explain the thoughtfulness behind it. And I am left with no option other than praising her even though inside I know most of her gifts are not useful for me. If I just say thank you, she will ask me if I like it. How do I handle it?

Or you can reply if you want - saying No I hated it

the thanking/appreciating actually requires very little effort so I don't think you should worry to much about it- as she has asked directly if you liked it you could text back, 'yes, it's very unusual we don't have anything like that over here'. MIL does a good line in this sort of thing and I usually comment favourably on the colour. She then talks about how the colour will suit me because XYZ and I nod and smile. Takes a few minutes and she is happy.
I think your problem OP is that you are investing too much effort into reciprocating, I would simply send her an uncontroversial item of similar value and forget about it.

Sorry you feel I missed the point. You asked "how to handle" writing a thank you letter for a disappointing gift. I told you to lie until your pants were ablaze :)
If in fact you meant to say "how do I stop my SIL giving me crap gifts" then I apologise.

tigermoll, you don't have to apologise. I do admit, I hope that she stop sending these gifts because we feel obliged to return the favour. DH tends to overspend on gifts, which bother me a bit. MIL also keeps telling my DH how thoughtful SIL is. I also have some resentment towards in-laws a bit. There is also a background of my in-laws being intrusive, buying things for our kitchen and home, being insensitive to me in general, telling us how to live, when to have kids, how to raise them, etc. DH also doesn't like throwing / donating things, we end up hoarding. I think he feel guilty because he think his sis/mom made efforts to buy something with so much thought. I think I need to learn to be more tactful with in-laws :) Thanks for your suggestions.

Ah, I see -- it does sound like you have deeper problems than SIL's gifts. The intrusiveness and insensitivity sounds much worse than the occasional random present. It also sounds like this isn't something your DH is open to discussing with you?

When you say he overspends on gifts, is that with everyone, or just his family? If it's everyone, then could you agree a budget for christmas/birthdays? If it's just his family, then that is trickier -- sounds like he might be splurging to appease some guilt somewhere?

My stepmother in law does this. DH and I go used to go to great lengths every year to buy both his Dad and step mother in law really nice, thoughtful gifts, yet every year DH gets a bottle of Jack Daniels (same for birthdays) and I get the cheapest random crap she can usually find. So now I politely say Thank you then re wrap it up and send it back to her the following year. She has never dared say anything! :))