Is it acceptable/normal to expect people to 'dance attendance' on you?

[YokoUhOh]

I'll describe the situation, then if anyone can share their thoughts of be grateful!

It was DS2's 'welcoming meal' at the weekend (we don't do christenings). My parents, PILs, my DB+SIL, three friends - deliberately small.

PILs got there first, sat in middle of the long table. MIL spent the whole meal colouring in a child's menu both on her own and with DS1. FIL sat opposite DH only speaking when spoken to. My DM and DF conversed with everyone and chatted to PIL, who asked zero questions about them and had faces like smacked arses the whole time.

It didn't spoil things exactly, but we hadn't wanted to do the meal at all, because MIL has form for expecting to be the centre of attention, having to control situations etc.

What can be done about this kind of behaviour? or do we just put up with it? They're 70 so unlikely to change their ways. It seems unfair that everyone else has to do the hard work in this situation.

greebo you sound shy/nervous; she's selectively shy and usually v forthcoming.

so she was doing Performance Grandparenting? (aka Ostentatious Grandparenting)

... that's a clever strategy. You can't possibly complain she's entertaining her GC!

notyoda yes - it's great that she's interacting with GC but it was at the expense of being an adult and showing interest in anyone else around the table. She was sitting there colouring in her own picture!! Perhaps she felt awkward, but everyone else was in the same boat and made the effort. Sigh.

I appears it was at the expense of her own grandchild too

banty she doesn't really care about him, just how he reflects on her and how she can play the role of grandma...

I recognise the OM well just from the little you have posted here...

Oh God it's a good job your mum isn't like my mum, she would have asked PIL why they were being so rude! She would stay totally calm and wouldn't cause a scene but would definitely make her feelings clear!
If PIL bring the meal up I'd have to say something like "it's a shame you didn't make conversation with anyone, my family would have loved to get to know you."

OP

I'm agreeing with you

notyoda I know, I'm agreeing with you

Oh Good

betty she did the same performance at our wedding - she actually RAN AWAY from my mum giggling when my mum asked her for help handing cake out (it was an informal do, we don't stand on ceremony apart from MIL )

Actually I know awful people exist. I have been involved with a great many of them over the years. I just wanted to check that she isn't just a complete wreck like I am.

greebo you sound lovely